christmas memories

I never thought I would tell my son, Jaden, the Christmas story of Jesus' birth more times than I can count. I can easily retell it using words and phrases and describe images that he can understand. I didn't realize that this would be a challenge the first time I tried to describe what Christmas is about and why we have a tree and give presents. It is great that I have had the chance to tell him about Mary and Joseph and how baby Jesus came into this world so many times. It has truly refocused me during the holiday season, which can be quite crazy at times.

We had a great week with family in Jamestown and Fargo, ND. My greatest memories will continue to be the 2 concerts that Jaden and I put on for all of the grandparents and aunts and uncles. I am not a great singer but Jaden thinks I am so I do my best for him. We had such a great time singing Christmas songs for family. Here are some of the songs we sang.

Away in a Manger (Jaden is very good at the actions and Clay tries to do some too)
Jingle Bells
Joy to the World
Angel Band
10 Little Reindeer
Oh Come All Ye Faithful (Jaden and Clay's favorite)
Silent Night
Happy Birthday Jesus

Jaden loves to sing and I love to encourage him. It is so great to hear him sing at the top of his lungs without any inhibition.

It is too bad we didn't get a picture of either of our concerts so you will just have to imagine it. A video would have been nice too. I am looking forward to a concert next year with both of my boys.

Just a note. I am not looking forward to tomorrow when I have my wisdom teeth taken out. You can be praying for in the afternoon. My appointment is at 1:50pm. It isn't the greatest timing because Bryan is working all day and night. So, I have someone to be with me and drive me and someone to take care of the kids. All this planning just to save us about $500 because our medical insurance changes on the first of the year. Yep, we just squeezed it in on 12/31/07. What a great last memory of the year! This will be a New Year's Eve to forget! All of this is also happening in the same week that I am supposed to speak at my Bible Study on Friday to about 100 women. So, you can also pray for no complications from getting my wisdom teeth taken out so that I am healthy to speak Friday. Thanks for your prayers.

santa

We are having lots of fun in Jamestown, North Dakota with my parents. Today we are spending a little time on the computer tracking Santa all over the world through NORAD and AGI. I am not that big into celebrating Santa but if I can expose my kids to anything satellite and space related, I will. It is so exciting to see the kids reaction to the satellites tracking Santa.

You can track Santa too at http://noradsanta.org

snow

So, here are some pictures from playing in the snow. I probably won't get to posting them all on my picasa page until after Christmas so here is a taste for my family.

The first 4 pictures are from our time "freezing in the snow" when it was below zero. The next 2 pictures are from "playing in the snow with dad."

happiness

I am officially done Christmas shopping. Well, at least until I figure out that I forgot someone or something. I hope I am really done. I got an early start this year in the beginning of November thanks to a great day of shopping with my sister-in-law, Chrystine. I don't love to shop, in fact I sometimes dread it it, but she made it enjoyable. Thanks, Chrystine.

I have been on a happy-kick for the last couple of days because God answered a prayer of mine. I have been praying that God would compel some company, any aerospace company, to contact me for good or bad. I have applied for about 40 jobs, probably 25 in the Minneapolis area and dream jobs elsewhere and haven't heard anything back from any of the companies except the generic receipt of application or resume. Until 2 days ago!!! I got an email from Boeing Astrodynamics saying that they want to phone interview me in January. That just made my day and I am still happy because of it. Granted the interview is most likely related to a job in southern California which I will probably not take right now but it is promising and the guy will hopefully have a contact at Boeing in Minneapolis. God, thanks for answering my prayer. That is great motivation to keep going on the job search process.

happy pill

I am praying to Jesus for a happy pill today. I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and haven't gotten enough sleep for awhile. I need God to change my mood and attitude today. I sent the kids downstairs to get a break. I had enough screaming and yelling from them and me. They are happily guarded by a gate and entertained by PBS and all of their toys. Now there is no screaming or yelling. God, please rejuvenate me.

I have way too many things to do this week because we are going out of town on Friday for a week to celebrate Christmas with family in North Dakota. We are all looking forward to it but it is a lot of work to get there. I have Christmas cards to send out and Christmas presents to wrap and Christmas cookies to make. But I still remember that Christmas is really about Christ. I love reading Christmas books to my kids because it helps refocus me. Thank you, Christ, for coming into this world to experience everything we are going through. Thanks for not leaving us alone.

I think it is so funny that my first posted picture is of Taco John's, my husband's favorite restaurant and not mine. Once he found out that I went there without him, he said that he wished he had known that I was Taco John's deprived and he would have taken me there. He said, "Wow, I guess that means we haven't been there for awhile." I said, "It was just the most convenient fast food at the time."

Hopefully more posted pictures will come soon before the week is over.

i love environmentalists

Well, truth is that I don't love environmentalists just for being environmentalists but today I was loved by one environmentalist that made my day. I was going through Taco John's drive through today which never happens without Bryan but it was close to where I was shopping after Jaden's Christmas Program (pictures to come soon). Anyway, I ordered a kids meal and got a Dr. Pepper to drink because the drink was for me. It usually comes in a small styrofoam cup. But when I pulled up to get my food and beverage, the lady handed me a large Dr. Pepper. I politely told her that I didn't order a large drink, thinking that they made a mistake on my order. The kind, older lady at the window then said, "It's ok. I didn't charge you for it. I just have a problem with the styrofoam cup that you are supposed to get because they take so long to degrade..." It made my day and I laughed about it in the car for a good 10 minutes. The kids laughed right along with me thinking I was crazy but it was fun. What made her comments even greater was that you could tell she knew she was breaking the rules and either thought people would think she was crazy or she would get in trouble. It was so cute the way she shyly said it but still did it anyway.

strep

Bryan and I have strep throat. I know I should be sleeping right now but I really wanted to write this in case my family has time to read it. I know that I don't need to right this down because I will remember how traumatic this is. About a year a half ago, Bryan and I, both had strep throat at the same time when Clay was about 3 months old and Jaden was 21 months old. I still remember how difficult that was. It was even harder then but not much easier this time around. We have been dealing with fever, chills, aches and pains, headaches, tummy aches, weakness and the worst sore throat of our lives. I had strep throat when I was younger many times and I never remember it being this bad. It has been way worse as an adult this time and last. The kids are a little easier to take care of now and it did help to have them in daycare on Tuesday but it has been a rough week. There were times we were barely making it by. I am on the upswing now--only dealing with a miserably sore throat still. I learned from the pediatric nurse that kids 3 and under rarely, if ever, get strep so that is good that we have healthy kids despite our illness.

Oh, there was one thing making this worse for me too. On Sunday night I fell down the stairs at Dan & Carol's house while I was holding Clay. I had very slippery socks on and was trying to shove my way through a small opening to get through the door to the stairs because we were really crammed in there. Dan and Carol hosted our small group Christmas dinner together with all of our kids. It was a little bit chaotic but all of the food was delicious. Anyway, I fell and hit my hip really bad and slid down 4 or 5 stairs and wacked my arm pretty good on the railing too. I did hear a scary snap from Clay when we dropped and we think it was just him biting his tongue, which did bleed a lot while he was crying from the scare. I managed to hold onto him tight and not drop him to fall down another 10 steps so that was good because it could have been worse. I am pretty banged up and have the biggest bruise ever on my left hip. I think falling down the stairs on Sunday night made having strep on Monday much worse because my aches and pains came from two different sources.

Ok, enough complaining, or sharing as I like to call it. I need to get sleep and recover.

merry christmas to me

Ok, I just have to write some more.

Last night I got my spur of the moment Christmas present. Bryan and I decided to go a performance by the Russian Ballet, The Nutcracker, at Mayo Civic Center in Rochester. It wasn't in a beautiful theater nor did it have a live orchestra, which would have both made it better, but the ballet was beautiful and made me a very happy wife. We have very little spontaneity in our lives but last night was great. We ate some great Italian food at Victoria's and then headed to the ballet while our kids were at home with our favorite babysitter, Christen Murphy. We didn't have small group last night because we take the first Thursday to have date nights with our spouses. That is just one of the things I love about our small group. The ballet tickets turned out to be my Christmas present because I would much rather have an experience than a physical item as a gift, especially from my husband.

This was a highly unusual week because we actually have had two dates this week. On Sunday we went out to dinner after we met with some other small group leaders that afternoon. The date ended early because our kids weren't feeling so well but it was still a great meal together.

I love weeks with two dates nights because I can't seem to get enough time with Bryan. That only happens a couple of times per year but I will take it when I can get it. I don't like the months that go by with only one date night. That happens way too often. I love dates with my husband!

life is still moving on

Things just keep happening that I want to write down but I really don't have enough time to do it.

I have blog envy of all those people that are able to put pictures up on their blogs. Anyway, I can't decide what to do. Either I post pictures on my blog or I post them on picasa and I am used to posting most of my pics on picasa so I am not ready to switch.

Kids are napping and I am not today. I have been needing naps when they do because I haven't been sleeping well. It is mostly my fault because I am terrible about going to bed at a decent time. The kids have also not been sleeping well because of some wierd virus, maybe hand-foot-mouth. They have wierd rashes but they are both getting better now. I also have been getting over another cold.

So much stuff that I want to do but I need to find focus. I need to get a few things done but I really want to get out and play in the snow with the boys. It has snowed here 4 significant times of at least an inch with about 4 inches last Saturday. We have about a foot of snow on our deck that drifts up to almost 2 feet and I can't wait to play with the boys in it. We are all geared up with new boots and all the rest of the essentials. If they boys wakeup early enough today from naps then we will get some snow time. Here is hoping that they wake up happy but don't sleep too long. It just gets dark so early here.

Ok, I really have to focus and get some other things done now even though I could write all day.

love my kids

Not sure why it is that I love my kids so much more when I get a break from them but that is really the way it is for me. Last night I was gone to our couples small group and when I returned to my two sleeping beauties (I think I can still call them that even though they are boys), I just wanted to watch them sleep a little while. Their peaceful sleeping made me think of all the things that I love about them. I also have so much more tolerance and understanding for them just being kids when I have a break from them. I probably need more breaks from my kids than most stay at home moms but I don't mind admitting that. I would like to think part of that is because Bryan works long hours and frequently overnight at the hospital. I think even if he didn't work long hours, I would still need lots of breaks from the kids. Well, thank goodness for finding reasons to take breaks from my kids. Last night it was my couples group. Tonight it was a baby shower. Other nights I take breaks to scrapbook. Gotta love those breaks from my kids. I love my boys more when I return and appreciate them more for who God made them to be. Tomorrow I will be with them all day until a break from them while at church--that is if it doesn't snow too much! Everyday should include a little break from my kids in a perfect world. I guess that is why small children take naps. Wow, I do love naps for them and for me. Need to go take a long nap as Jaden would call it--bedtime.

reminder

Someone reminded me tonight of the best thing about my kids. Thank God for people that are brave enough to ask, "What do you love most about your kids?" There is nothing I love more about my boys than to watch them make each other laugh. I can't help but smile and think I am blessed. They like to tickle each other and that belly laugh just comes out. They can hardly contain their happiness. I really need to get that on video to remind me of the good times of when they were this little. I would like to think I won't soon forget this but I am sure I will. Memories fade and I have to work to get them to stick. I can easily replay it in my head now but soon it will be hard to recall the details and the expressions on their faces. Laugh on, boys!

my husband is awesome!

Bryan surprised me with tickets to the CD release concert for Sara Groves (my favorite musician) for Saturday night (11/17/07). He arranged for a babysitter and ordered tickets without me knowing but the biggest deal of all was that he got a coworker to cover him for 6 hours while he was supposed to be on call working at the hospital Saturday night so that he could go with me to the concert in Minneapolis. He really did all that for me, not himself, even though he likes Sara Groves too. I know it was a lot of work and was not at all convenient for him. It is a great reminder to me of how much he loves me and that he would go to the ends of the earth for me if he needed to or if I needed him to. He is always there when I need him. I know he isn't always there when I want him but he doesn't let me down when it is important. This time it wasn't even critical to life, he just really wanted to make me happy and he sure did! I love you, Bryan! You made my year!

big day

Today was a big day in my career as an aerospace engineer. No, I don't have a job yet but I did post my resume and cover letter to 24 jobs online for 5 aerospace companies in the Minneapolis area. Three of those jobs are dream jobs in other locations just for fun. One is in the LA area and the other two are in Houston.

I still have 4 more companies that I know of to go. I am sure I will keep finding more jobs to apply to but it feels really good to have a big start on things finally.

Bee movie

The boys and I had a blast going to a movie in the theater tonight. Mayo sponsored a free movie with free popcorn and drinks for the residents and fellows families tonight. Bryan had to work so I braved it on my own with the two boys. We saw a Bee Movie and it was hilariously. I laughed at the movie but got even more enjoyment out of watching Jaden and Clay's reaction to the movie. They frequently laughed out loud and pointed to the screen. It was just great to see a movie through their eyes a little bit. I wasn't planning on them making it through the hour and half movie because they never sit still for movies unless they are strapped into a carseat. However, we did see the entire movie, except a few minutes when Jaden asked to go to the bathroom (hallelujah!). Of course my boys weren't the quietest ones in the theater and at one point, an hour and 15 minutes into it, we had to get out of our row because Clay couldn't stay still and then both of them started to cry. They were fine once they could be mobile in the aisle to the doorway where we watched the last 15 minutes of the movie. We ended up staying up way past bed time and it was quite difficult getting them to the van, especially Jaden, but all in all it was a fun outing. I would do it again but probably not in the next week. Oh, on the way home Jaden told me he had to go potty and I didn't want to stop and take them both out of the van so I stopped and put the only pull-up I had on him under his underwear so that he didn't pee all over the carseat. I pulled over in a random parking lot to put the pull-up on and it tore and was unfixable but I put it on anyway to hold any pee it could. Luckily we made it home with dry underwear and a dry pull-up. Potty-training is a lot of work!

shots

Shots are painful. Not just where the nurse sticks you but the affects afterward are not fun. All 4 of us got flu shots today and Clay got a couple more too. We are all a little cranky and need extra sleep. Clay actually sat still on my lap for 2 hours while I did stuff. He never sits still so you know he wasn't feeling well. Jaden and I are also dealing with colds so the flu aches and pains we feel don't make it any better. It will all be gone soon. Thankfully God created us to sleep often and it is so nice to recuperate by sleeping.

two toddlers

So, I am pretty sure I have 2 toddlers right now which can be very difficult at times. I try and remind myself that others have more difficult situations than me but I tend to dwell on my own problems too much still. My two boys cause me to pray continually while I am at home with them. I suppose this is good but I am quite frustrated right now. It seems to rotate who is the naughtier boy day to day. Today is Jaden. I missed out on a half hour of time to get stuff done while Clay is napping because Jaden just wouldn't stay in his bed and kept being mischievious. Finally they are both napping but I am now regretting the time that I missed out on. I just pray now that God will help me let it go. Moving on...time for laundry and Bible study.

optimists

I am a pessimist. I wish I could say that I am a recovering pessimist but I am not there yet. I usually tell people that I am a realist because then I don't sound so depressed and I think it is more accurate. I describe my husband, Bryan, as an idealist but he is really an optimist if I am honest, well, sometimes he really is a wishful thinker.

For awhile now I think God has been trying to get a message of hope and joy through to my spirit but my pessimism/realism won't let it through. The question that has been plaguing me is:

Does God want all of His people to be optimists?

Should all of us be optimists? Why should we be optimists? How do we all become optimists? So there are more questions that go with that one main question but I keep coming back to that.

I think I know the answer. It is yes because our God, the God, is a God of hope and a God of never-ending possibilities.

Now I am just stuck on how to let God change me to be an optimist. I can use any advice I can get. I am sure there will be lots more prayer and molding going on in my life in this area. Stay tuned...

Washington DC

We got back from DC over a week ago but I never wrote anything about it so I will now. We had such a great time with friends in the city. Part of our heart will always be in the DC area. We had 5 dinners with different groups of people: newer couple friends, UMD friends, older couple friends, other UMD friends and church staff friends. We saw other friends during the day on Saturday but most days the kids and I just hungout. Bryan wasn't really impressed by either of the hospitals he interviewed with because the first one was so very disorganized and the second one wouldn't hire him part-time. We still hope to visit the DC area again but we don't think we will be moving there any time soon.

We were praying that God would let us know whether or not we should move back or seriously consider this an option. We really felt like it is not an option for now. We will keep pursuing Minneapolis for both of us to work part-time.

My job search is moving along but slower than I want it to be going. It is a lot of work to look for a job and I don't have much time to commit to it. More updates will be made as they develop but for now, my resume is done and I need to get some cover letters ready. I have 9 companies in the Minneapolis area that I am submitting my resume with online.

God opportunity

There has been a change of plans and I will not be speaking this Friday at my Bible study. I was truly honored to be asked to speak at the Winter Brunch instead and have accepted so I will be doing that instead of speaking this Friday. I had previously felt that God wanted me to ask for more time to speak in order to say what He wanted me to and that made me quite uncomfortable. After checking with my husband, he suggested that I talk with Robin Morgenthaler, who had asked me to give the Love Gift originally. When I told her what I was feeling, she thought we should check with the Side By Side (medical spouses Bible study) steering committee. I hadn't heard anything from anyone for over a week and just assumed that I would be giving my Love Gift. I continued to prepare what I was going to say and God was helping me write out what He wanted me to say more than I have ever felt Him before. It was as if He was giving me ideas of what to say and how to say it. I will continue to trust God over the next few months that what I say will be what He wants me to say and that it will minister to women in the audience.

It has always been a challenge for me to know when I am hearing God's internal voice. Usually if I ignore it, then the feeling I had goes away and I forget all about it. That is usually the easier option and it happens quite frequently to me. For some reason, this time I shared it with my husband and he pushed me one step further because he felt like I should follow through on this. God really used my husband, Robin and the steering committee to give me this opportunity and I want to make sure that I allow God to use me as I speak in January.

Thanks for your prayers and I will still be needing them.

mentor

Yesterday, I met with my mentor, Suzanne Bundrick. We usually get together once a month and share about our lives with each other and she gives me lots of advice. I have really grown to appreciate her advice and encouragement. Yesterday she gave me lots of great advice about speaking at Side By Side (medical spouses Bible study) on Friday. I am supposed to give my Love Gift (testimony with a gift given at the end). I am trying to decide what part of my story to share and how much to share. I only have 5-7 minutes so I really need to focus on what I want to say. You can pray that I share what God wants me to. I will give you an update on Friday.

life keeps moving

I have 2 sick boys with colds and fevers off and on. It would be nice to get out of the house but I don't want to make others sick too.

We missed preschool yesterday and Jaden's gym class today. Hopefully nobody has a fever today and Jaden can go to preschool on Wednesday.

We leave for DC in one week on the 2nd and we return on the 7th. Bryan has 2 interviews on Wed and Fri right now with Washington Hospital Center (where Jaden was born) and Inova in Fairfax, VA.

It should be interesting taking the two boys on a plane at their ages but hopefully they will be happy to watch movies.

kids and their messes

I thought I could just quick put a note up because I think this would be a good way to keep my family informed of my life but then life with kids happens. As I am starting the laptop, Jaden informs me that he peed all over himself and his chair while eating and then once I got him out of it he takes Clay's tray off of the highchair and dumps his food all over. The mess is still not all cleaned up but that is just a normal lunch for me. I was just thinking how much fun my kids are getting as I was making their lunches and talking to my mom on the cell phone while they run around the house. Things have reconvened now and the kids are playing nicely together on the new carpet. So here is the latest news around our house:
--We got new carpet last Wednesday.
--Jaden has been going to preschool for a week and half now and says, "I don't want to talk about it," to me when I ask him questions regarding school. However, he will talk to Bryan about it.
--Clay plays incredibly well by himself, it is a little frightening. He does seem to miss Jaden and is a little more clingy when he is not around.
--My Bible study (Side By Side) with medical spouses started again and so has MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) so we are in full swing of things.
--Next week Jaden starts a gym class too that me and Clay will go to observe and help out with. We are doing that to hangout with a new friend and her two boys.
--I have filled my life again from my once empty summer days....ha ha.
--Norway was gorgeously beautiful! The down side was that it was really expensive and rainy.
--Bryan had 5 interviews in the Minneapolis area and we are pretty sure we will end up there with Bryan working part time just a few days a month so I can work part-time to and he gets a much needed break for awhile.
--I am working on posting my resume to 9 aerospace companies that have locations in the Minneapolis area.

I think that is enough updates for now. Hopefully I will do this more regularly so I don't have as many things to update everyone about.

Intentions

I have great intentions of always wanting to to do more. I would love to have a blog that works as my journal. I think it is self-healing as I look back on my thoughts and feelings even though I don't have many written down. Maybe one day this blog will actually take off but for now I am inspired to write something even though I should be sleeping. Bryan is working overnight and I always have a hard time getting to bed by myself. There is just always more I want to do with my time. Life is hard for everyone but I pray that God gives me perspective that I am blessed and that I will be able to help others despite challenges that come my way. Other people's blogs inspire me and leave me envious, so here begins my attempt again at blogging.

kids

This is one of those days that I might go crazy! Kids, my kids, can drive me crazy. I am going on numerous nights of too little sleep and was about to crash today when Clay wouldn't nap while Jaden was napping. I tried and tried and then Jaden woke up. I tried to get him to go back to sleep and ended up laying on the floor in the boys room trying to sleep while both boys lay there awake. What an afternoon! I think I dozed off and got struck by Jaden's blanket. That minute or two of sleep would be all I would get. I got both boys up and myself up knowing that the rest of the day was not going to be easy. I knew that if I stayed in my sleepy funk that I would end up yelling and being frustrated with the boys the rest of the day. That is no fun so why not yell a little in fun and get crazy. If anyone would have looked in on our house they might have thought I was crazy and truth is, I am a little crazy. I am still frustrated and have a ton of housework to do but hopefully I can laugh a little too and let the frustrations of my boys go. Here's hoping I have enough sanity to depend on God the rest of today...and of course Bryan is working late.

Days like today make me really wish I was working as an aerospace engineer! Life would have to be easier!

Family thoughts

I am finally getting to my first post. It is late but it will start now because I need to get some thoughts out of my head before I can fall asleep.

My dad is turning 60 soon and it would be awesome to have his 4 kids home for his birthday but it most likely won't happen. The odd thing is that I will probably be his only child back in my hometown, Jamestown, ND when he turns the big 6-0. I never thought I would be the kid that goes back home for celebrations like this. I thought for sure it would be my sister who is the farthest away in Germany but probably still the most in touch with my parents. I never thought I would be living the closest to my parents, in distance, either. I am however about 6 1/2 hours away from them in Rochester, MN. I love my parents and think they did a great job raising me and investing in my life but at the same time, I don't feel bad at all about living far away from them. They are important people to me but I am happy and fine with seeing them only a couple times a year. At the same time, it has been quite nice to see them about every other month for the last year and a half. We get along really well and have lots of fun together, maybe that loving relationship just sticks with me even when I didn't see them very often while I lived in Arlington, VA for 7 years.

I have noticed that God has been working on me internally in regards to family relationships. A couple months ago, my pastor, C. John Steer, at Autumn Ridge Church said something that has stuck with me. He said that the longest relationships in our lives are usually those we share with our siblings. I never thought about that before but it seems to be true because they are born about the same time as you and you grow up with them until you leave home around 18 years old. You remain in contact with them in those developing years in your 20s while you are getting married and having kids. Then they usually become significant again about retirement age or when friends and family start dying. They usually end up dying about the same time as you too, just because of average death age. Anyway, you spend a lot of years keeping in touch with your siblings, if you like them.

I do like my siblings quite a bit and sometimes wish I knew them better. It makes me think of the passage in the Bible where Jesus tells some guy that he should leave his family to come follow him. And from that passage Christians hear the message of family should be less important than following Christ. I believe this to be true and most people need to hear this message but for me, I probably should concentrate more on passages about respecting and honoring your parents and loving your family. It seems easier for me to leave my family if I felt I had a mission to fulfill that took me away from them than it would be for others. It also seems easier for me to be disconnected from my family and not care. I may not know the latest happenings in their lives but it doesn't really bother me. That statement now bothers me because it doesn't seem very loving. Anyway, I feel that the Holy Spirit is speaking to me and causing me to feel more love and commitment to my family at this time in my life.

I just spent the last hour talking with my parents and both of my brothers, all of which are in different states, which is highly unusual for me and maybe that is why this conversation in my head needed to come out. I also have been reflecting on the 3 days I took out of my Christmas-time to spend with my husband's family. I drove 7 hours with 2 kids in a mini-van by myself up to Fargo, ND just to spend some time with his family. They are his family, but I hope someday that they feel more like my family because of the love and time I have invested in them. This conversation in my head doesn't really have an end. It is just continuing thoughts. Well, it is out now, and I am off to bed.