Friday, September 24, 2010
We were driving in the van and I told Jaden to stop picking his nose and asked if he wanted a tissue. He responded in a sarcastic tone, "Do you think there's really gold in there?" He already seemed to know the answer. I laughed and said someone probably said to him at one time, "Are you diggin for gold?" He said with a laugh, "I know there isn't gold in there."
This weekend Bryan is fishing in South Dakota with his dad and uncle. I chose to stay at home with the boys instead of go with him. There were a few reasons for this choice. Jaden's interpretation of my choice was described like this tonight: "Mom, I know why you stayed with us. It's because you like us." I said, "I sure do and I love you too." I am just beaming to know that Jaden gets it that I like him. It is not always that way and he knows that I get frustrated with him frequently. I am just thrilled to know that the "like" feelings outweigh the "frustrated" feelings. I know that but it means even more for my son to realize that.
Then tonight when I was tucking Jaden in bed, he said, "I was naughty at school today because I missed you." He just knew the right thing to say to make me feel guilty for sending him to school for 5 days this week (usually just 4 days). That little stinker. I am trying to just brush it off. He made some bad choices at school today when he knew better. I am responsible for disciplining him but not responsible for his bad actions.
Monday, September 13, 2010
There are things that I like about my job. I enjoy interfacing with other engineers and people in general. If I were to stay at home during the day or work from home, I would definitely miss talking with other people. It is amazing how much a single conversation can change my mood for the day. My worst days are when I sit at my desk all day and do my work and don’t talk to anyone. My best days happen when I have multiple conversations with people about work and our personal lives. I need those work conversations to feel like what I am doing is useful. Someone out there appreciates what I am doing, I hope. I also need to be reminded that while I am at work, I am still looking for things and conversations that result in eternal reward.
It is amazing how quickly I forget that I need people. I need other adults in my life. I just spent the past three days with my boys. I love spending time with them and that is why they only go to school 3-4 days a week. When I spend 3 days straight with them and only see Bryan in the evenings, it makes me realize that I need conversations with other adults to cheer me up and realize that life is bigger than me. That is one reason why staying-at-home full time with the kids didn’t work well for me. Over the weekend I did have a few short conversations with other people: a neighbor, a pediatrician, ticket sales lady, etc., but I realized today that it wasn’t enough. Why didn’t I call anyone to hangout over the weekend? We did play with two neighbor boys but without much adult time. We had 3 dinner meals with just the 4 of us. That rarely happens. We eat dinner together a lot but usually there are other people involved. I knew I wasn’t enjoying life over the weekend but couldn’t really put my finger on it until today at work. I need more people in my life.
Bryan's response, "You are such an extrovert!"
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I have two new pictures on my entryway walls that bring me such joy. Above is a picture of what it looks like. I took the picture of my boys on the right and I love it. It is my favorite because they are always running somewhere. I painted the picture with the words. It is actually the 4 family values that Bryan and I came up with a few years ago. I was inspired by an amazing artist at redletterwords.com It is my own take on her art. I love that it didn't have to be neat and perfect. These are 4 things that we hope to instill in our boys. We hope that as they grow, they will help us define what is important to our family.
I am treasuring my family even more right now. I just heard tonight that our neighbor died today. The family had become friends of ours over the last year. I connected with the mom and enjoyed our extended conversations. Jaden and Clay love to play with their 5 year old son. We enjoy having their 15 year old son mow our lawn. Bryan gave their family free medical advice. The family lost their father and husband. My heart aches for them and my eyes have welled up with tears more than a few times. I can't fathom their loss. I can't imagine raising two boys without a husband and father. They are Christians and know that he is not only in a good place, but a "great place" as she commented to us tonight. My thoughts and prayers are with them. I pray that God brings his people around them to comfort them and help them cope.
Monday, September 6, 2010
I was in Utah working on an upgrade to some software that I use daily for system engineering and requirements management. We made great progress and it feels good to see something close to completion that I have worked on the side of my main projects for the last year or so.