Celebrating Jaden

We got to celebrate Jaden's 7th birthday a little early this year. His birthday is actually on November 23rd. It usually falls near Thanksgiving so he got to have his party 4 days before he turned 7. He chose to have a basketball themed party at the YMCA. The kids got to play all kinds of games at the Y and they all had fun. They got to eat lots of orange colored snacks and drink lots of Gatorade. Everyone had fun despite the 3 inches of snow we got during the party.

This is an interesting age for Jaden. He is getting to be so independent. He is able to play outside by himself and follow the rules. He requests to play with friends all the time and rings our 2 neighbor boys' doorbells often. One time he rang the doorbell a few too many times and caused a neighbor boy to call 911. That will be quite the story for him to live down. I am sure Jaden will hear that over and over again. Jaden loves his friends, has lots of them and is very extroverted. Jaden just had his first outing with a friend today when they left to go watch high school basketball together.

He still has issues with hugs and people touching him so we continue to work on this as it seems heightened with a new little girl in the house. He is very organized and enjoys a controlled environment. His need to control things has increased as our house stress level has risen recently. He is fully aware of the changes in our house and has taken that stress more on himself than out on anyone else. He needs his life structured and predictable and if it's not, he must fix it. This causes him to obsess about some things that he shouldn't and this has made family life even harder. He could definitely use some prayer in this area.

Jaden seems to love all things "boy," cars/trucks/bikes, legos, Star Wars, super heroes, particularly Iron Man right now, sports, being physically active, along with reading, games and music. He became interested in the ukelele this summer when he saw 2 very cute older teenage girls playing them for one of his favorite songs, "This Is the Stuff" by Francesca Battistelli. Hopefully we have encouraged his love of music with his new uke.

Jaden is still very energetic and quite talented physically. He enjoys racing and competing with anyone at all times. He loves winning and knowing he is the best at something. I think he is a great reader and love listening to him. He is still very skilled at math and hopefully his love of math continues.

Jaden's personality is very similar to mine and I love that about him. I know he is my son! I see my weaknesses and strengths in him and I am very proud of him. He continues to teach me new things and I love that. Just today he showed me that he has a huge heart for the little girl in our house by trying to calm her down. This melted my heart. I want to squeeze him close like a little baby but he only wants to push me away and continue growing up and older. He is growing more compassionate and caring and growing in intellect. I love watching him change and love seeing how he changes me for the better. Happy #7, Jaden!

first day of school...deep breath

Bryan and I just dropped our boys off at separate schools. The boys are now beginning their period of separation, ha ha. They have been in school together the last 2 years and 8 months. Before that Jaden was in two preschools without Clay but neither of them really remember that, other than what we tell them. Jaden is transitioning from a Montessori school to our local public school for 1st grade. We just met his teacher this morning and she seems great! She made a perfect first impression. Clay is transitioning to a new teacher at the same Montessori school (without Jaden and his old friends that left for Kindergarten) for his last year there. He is now a big kindergartner and probably the only one left at his school. This whole school situation seems like one big trial to me. I still have lots of questions remaining. Was it worth it to send Jaden to a Montessori school for kindergarten? Will it be too much work to drive the boys to separate schools? Should Clay just go to a traditional kindergarten and be at the same school with Jaden? Is there really that much difference in my local schools? Did we choose to live in the right place for the right school?...Who knows! I may never know the answers to any of these questions and hopefully I will be ok with that. Sometimes I wish I had a guarantee that my kids will turn out alright. That they will get the things I want to instill in them. That my efforts will pay off. That they won't end up in jail or living in the streets. But if you know me, you know that I have way higher expectations for my kids...probably too high and that will be my lifelong struggle...too high of expectations for myself and for everyone I know. I need to take a deep breath, lots of deep breaths. Slow down and take one day at a time. But time seems to be zooming by. It feels like fall and the sun is rising later and setting earlier. Time is getting away from me. Take another deep breath.

missing my boys

My boys, Jaden and Clay, are in Fargo this week enjoying Bryan's family there. They left with Bryan's parents on Sunday and will be returning with Bryan's brother, Eric, and his family on Friday. This would normally be a nice welcome break but I am missing them. I am trying to take advantage of my free time and get in some scrapbooking but it hasn't happened yet...maybe over the next 2 days.

I am missing my boys more than usual. My life revolves around them. I wake up to take them to school. I plan my daily activities around their school activities so I can help at the school whenever possible. I finish up my errands in time to pick them up from school. I plan activities for them after school. I make dinner for our family while taking care of them. In the evenings we sometimes plan family activities together or at least I am used to hearing their voices throughout the house in the evenings. Our house sure has been quiet without them around.

Bryan and I have enjoyed our time together, which is reminiscent of the first 6 years of marriage before kids. We have now had kids for 6 1/2 years so that life seems very familiar. The kid-free life is unfamiliar and not so easy to enjoy when I am around the house so much. I am going to get back to some hobby time now before there are two little ones interrupting my plans.

giving vs. receiving

Right now we have a few presents under out tree. There is one for Clay and one for Jaden and 2 for my niece, Kira, and 2 for my niece, Brinley, and 2 for grandpa Oscar. I knew this would bother the boys because they each only have one gift under the tree and other people have more. I thought this would be a great time to teach them about the real meaning of Christmas. You know, Jesus, and the spirit of giving. I was explaining to them that other people got more gifts than them and trying to explain that gifts are not the focus of Christmas. As I was saying that, Jaden blurts out, "Ya, but it's ok because mine is bigger."

Wish you could have seen the looks on Bryan and my faces! Wow, you have really missed the point, Jaden. We have got to work on this some more. We did have a nice laugh over it. There is always more to teach your children. I am still working on more ideas of how to remove the focus off of gifts when the kids get so many from all of their loving family.

Jaden made my day

Yesterday as I was dropping the boys off at school. I ran around their small building. I made sure the boys got cereal. Gave some pictures to the teacher in the other room for a project that day. Then came back to Jaden and Clay and gave them hugs and kisses before leaving. As I was heading out of the door of the room, Jaden yelled, "Mom!" I turned around to see him and he looked at me and yelled, "I love you!" and then blew me a kiss. That just melted my heart. I yelled back, "Love you too!"

Then Clay said loudly, "I love you, Mom." I responded to him, "I love you, Clay."

I walked out of the room and building to my van. I had the biggest smile on my face. What joy my boys bring to my life! I think that was the first time Jaden or Clay told me that they love me without me prompting them. Maybe they really get it. Maybe they are just repeating what they have heard. Either way, I am overjoyed to hear it and I will treasure it.

This comes on the heals of me recently having a conversation with Clay after him telling me, "I love football, Mom." I explained to him that he doesn't just say that to me. He can't really love football and he proceeded to tell me that he really does. Surprising but maybe he does. I would have expected that to come from Jaden. Maybe I have two football loving sons.

Bryan and I recently saw the movie Backup Plan with Jennifer Lopez. It was cute romantic comedy but the line that sticks in my head is, "Kids are awful awful awful awful and then something beautiful, magical happens and then awful awful awful." I kind of agree with that statement but would adjust it to be, "Kids are difficult and wear you out most of the time and then every once in awhile there is a beautiful, magical moment that reminds you of why kids are so amazing."

Yesterday morning Jaden gifted me with one amazing moment.

I didn't have kids because I love children so much. I knew that kids would challenge who I am and craft me into a better person because God uses them. I am reminded of that almost daily. My kids challenge me on every front and I enjoy the challenge most of the time. Yesterday morning was not one of the challenging times but it still creates better character in me.

Thank you, Jaden and Clay, for loving me. You make me more loving of others.

Jaden sayings

Jaden was full of thought-ful comments today. Here is a sample:

We were driving in the van and I told Jaden to stop picking his nose and asked if he wanted a tissue. He responded in a sarcastic tone, "Do you think there's really gold in there?" He already seemed to know the answer. I laughed and said someone probably said to him at one time, "Are you diggin for gold?" He said with a laugh, "I know there isn't gold in there."

This weekend Bryan is fishing in South Dakota with his dad and uncle. I chose to stay at home with the boys instead of go with him. There were a few reasons for this choice. Jaden's interpretation of my choice was described like this tonight: "Mom, I know why you stayed with us. It's because you like us." I said, "I sure do and I love you too." I am just beaming to know that Jaden gets it that I like him. It is not always that way and he knows that I get frustrated with him frequently. I am just thrilled to know that the "like" feelings outweigh the "frustrated" feelings. I know that but it means even more for my son to realize that.

Then tonight when I was tucking Jaden in bed, he said, "I was naughty at school today because I missed you." He just knew the right thing to say to make me feel guilty for sending him to school for 5 days this week (usually just 4 days). That little stinker. I am trying to just brush it off. He made some bad choices at school today when he knew better. I am responsible for disciplining him but not responsible for his bad actions.

boys lovin life

I took a bunch of pictures of my boys back at the beginning of May because I was concerned their school pictures wouldn't turn out well (it wouldn't be the first time).

This is one of my favorite pictures of the boys. I have an 8x10 size picture for us to frame. Some people may miss seeing their faces but I think this picture speaks loud and clear. It will always be a reminder to me of what life was like when I had 2 young boys. I know this stage won't last long.

They were just having a blast running across this bridge at a park area near our house. Jaden is always in the lead, bolting straight ahead, as fast as he can. Clay is so content to follow. He is enjoying the run along the way, checking out the view on the side of the bridge. Jaden is focusing straight ahead on getting to the otherside of the bridge. Both are moving fast, exploring the world through their own eyes.

I love my boys! So much energy wrapped up in tiny bodies.

smiling because of my boys

I love it when my boys bring a smile to my face.

I thought they were outgrowing the goodbye waves out the school window this morning. I kissed and hugged both boys goodbye after I dropped them off and helped them switch to their inside shoes. Clay took off and didn't even think about going to the window to say goodbye. Jaden just happened to be talking with a friend at the window. I walked outside. Turned around and Jaden didn't even glance my way. I blew a kiss anyway. So sad but I realize they are constantly getting bigger and older.

Then tonight I left the house to do a little shopping for my friend's wedding this Saturday. As I left both boys ran to the garage door and yelled goodbye! They both blew me multiple kisses. Just melts my heart! I sure love those guys.

we have a great babysitter

Tabitha is our awesome babysitter. The boys love her. She is at our house every Wednesday night for Meal Group and comes sporadically for date nights. She has fun with our kids and takes good care of them. She rarely has anything negative to say about them, which I question, but she says the boys are so good.

Sometimes the boys get to watch movies with Tabitha. She is great about playing board games with the boys. They love to play games! Therefore, they love Tabitha.

Tabitha always makes macaroni and cheese and hot dogs for the boys. They love the routine of it and they love that meal. Again this makes them love her more. I feel a little bad for Tabitha but I try to provide her with other options for her to eat if she is interested.

Last night when she came, she brought 2 packages of sugar cookie dough, frosting and sprinkles. What a great babysitter! I knew the kids would enjoy that.

The boys enjoyed a cookie last night and a couple cookies today. I keep finding sprinkles all over the kitchen but it is worth it. Tabitha is so great, she even does our dishes. I will clean up a few sprinkles any day for someone who loves my boys and does my dishes! Thanks Tabitha.

my smart boys

I hesitate to write this blog but hopefully it will help me keep things in perspective. Today Bryan and I met with the boys teacher at the Montessori school they attend 3 days a week. I always enjoy talking with Mr. Jason and today was no exception.

We first talked about Clay. We talked about that Clay still observes a lot of work and needs encouragement to perform his own work. He is interested in older materials that are usually not interesting to other 3 year old kids, such as math materials and reading. We were told today that Mr. Jason has observed Clay reading 2 words at different times. We have not been pushing this but he has been going along the journey of Jaden learning to read. Mr. Jason went on to say that in his 10 years of teaching that he has only had one other 3 year old that was so interested in reading at this young of an age. That is pretty cool that Clay is already at that stage. Much sooner than I thought he would be there.

Then we talked about Jaden. He is five and continues to practice reading and language materials. We talked about how he is doing addition in his head already. He has worked some with the math materials but not that much. It seems he has picked it up very easily. We didn't put any effort into teaching him addition (which is unusual because I seem to put effort into everything he learns). He is not only adding numbers up to 10 + 10 and larger, but he is adding them in his head, without paper or using fingers. Bryan thinks he might be a little math whiz.

I am thinking both of our boys are little geniuses. I am just happy knowing that this will make school more enjoyable for them. I hesitate in writing this because I have a problem comparing my boys to other kids. I see other kids and wonder why are my boys not doing that? It makes me feel bad that I am not teaching them more and devoting more time to it. I have way too high of expectations for myself and them. This is just a bad cycle of guilt and feeling like I am not doing enough. I am working on comparing my kids less and realizing that they are individuals and will do things at different times compared to other kids.

I am trying to celebrate my kids learning ability but I hope that this is not causing others to have comparison problems, like me. Through this, I am trying to realize that it is truly God that I have to thank for my boys learning ability. It is because of Him that they are so blessed. Thanks God.

Easter boys

Here are my sweet, yet rambunctious boys while refusing to pose for pictures.

We had lots of fun this Easter, including 3 egg hunts (probably more to come around our house this week). The boys love hiding and finding anything. We were asked more than a few times if Jesus is still on the cross and, "Where is Jesus now?" I really think the boys just liked hearing us tell them that Jesus is in heaven and all around us.

potty talk

This was the conversation I heard from my bed this morning while trying to pretend that the boys can take care of themselves.

Jaden: Clay, come look. (from bathroom)
Clay: What?
Jaden: I pooped a 'J'.
Clay: Oh.
Jaden: Maybe you can poop a 'C'.
Clay: Yeah.

At least Jaden wiped his own bottom this morning. We are still working on bathroom privacy issues and proper conversations.

best book I've read in a long time

My favorite book of 2009 is Boys Adrift by Leaonard Sax, MD PhD. He writes about the five factors affecting boys and young men causing them to be lazy, unmotivated and underachieving. It is a great read for parents of boys and teachers. He writes about the five factors causing this epidemic which are: changes in school, video games, ADHD medications, endocrine disrupters (BPA, phalates, etc. and their influence on males) and the lack of multiple male role models that pass on what it means to be a man to boys as they are growing up. The last chapter is about the solutions to those five factors. The biggest solution in the author's opinion is to have boys at schools tailored to them, such as all boys schools or at least an all boys classroom. I am definitely considering finding that for my boys. I also think that all girls schools make a lot of sense. I think girls would also grow up with more confidence and possibly less boy obsession and distraction in the formative years. Separate boys and girls schools may seem counter-feminist and like going back-in-time but when you look at what you want to instill within your children, confidence in who God created them to be is very important and very difficult to encourage in our culture.

Boys Adrift has helped me examine what I want for my boys as they grow up. The book doesn't talk about bigger subjects of personal character, morals or God but it did bring lots of questions to my mind as I help raise my boys. What do I want to see them achieve and become in life? What kind of person do I want them to be? What qualities do I want to instill in them? And how do I bring them up to know and love the God of the universe and the father of Jesus?

SuperJaden turns 5

My baby Jaden turned 5! He wanted to have a superhero party and we had a great time celebrating with friends and family. The cake emblem was designed by Jaden's aunt Kim and decorated by Jaden's grandma Judy.
Jaden with his favorite gift! He has been learning how to play chess at school and asking to get a chess game for our house. Clay picked out this gift to give Jaden and it was great!
Jaden with many of his superhero cousins. We missed getting a picture with his friends, Gabe and Will. Everyone got capes made by grandma Judy. What a treat! Jaden was hesitant to put it on at first, but by the end of the day, he was loving it.

boys haircuts

Jaden has been set for a few months to not cut his hair and grow it longer. He wanted to be like the skateboarders he saw at the Minnesota State Fair and like his friends, Gabe and Will. Bryan finally convinced Jaden to cut his hair because he was annoyed with washing it. Here are the before and after pictures of both of the boys. They are so cute and I can't believe how old they are looking!

my superheros

My superheros ... and I hope they will be superheros for others someday too.

We had a great and festive Halloween. The boys helped me make pumpkin pancakes and they were very yummy with powdered sugar and real maple syrup on them. We also made pumpkin bread with chocolate chips this afternoon but that didn't taste as yummy as the pancakes. We went to the Hall-zoo-een party at the Minnesota Zoo and the kids made out with lots of cool toys and snacks and some candy. We would definitely do that event again. Bryan did a little trick-or-treating with the kids and got a lot of candy from only 10 houses. This may last us until the new year! What will we do when the boys actually go trick-or treating for more than 10 minutes!?!

Looking forward to an extra hour of sleep tonight. Sleep well.

feeling stretched

I knew that this day would come. I am trying to do it all: be a mom, wife, engineer and all of the tasks that go along with those roles. Some say that working moms are trying to do it all but no one can really do it all--something always misses out.

Until today, I have not felt that my work or my family has missed out. Things have went quite well and there has always been enough time for both. Life has gotten stressful at times when the to do list got too long but that has been the worst of it for me so far.

Today I went on a field trip with the boys in the morning. They were supposed to be back at 11am and I had 5 meetings planned this afternoon starting at noon. I wasn't worried about it and thought that I had plenty of time to do it all. Things did not go as planned.

While on our field trip to the apple orchard, I heard repeatedly from Jaden, "I don't care what you say," in response to me telling him to hold my hand or sit on the bus or stop running or whatever it was that he shouldn't be doing at that time. Jaden is a lot like me and he knows very well how to hurt me and he definitely knows that I hate that phrase. I need to come up with more creative and appropriate punishment when he says that but I don't have any ideas. By the end of the field trip, Jaden and I were frustrated with each other.

Clay, on the other hand, enjoys holding my hand and cuddling with me on the bus ride. Things went downhill when our trip got extended due to toilet trips and we left late (11:15) but that still should have been plenty of time to get back for work. I didn't count on the bus trip back taking 45 minutes. I am pretty sure the bus driver took some wrong turns when the drive out there took 20-30 minutes. Many of the kids were tired and hungry due to our extended field trip. Clay fell asleep on the way back to the school and then started crying once we got to the school. He was all out screaming when I asked one of the teachers to take Clay so that I could leave. I left with him crying and screaming out the window at me. I was really late for work. My noon meeting was called by me and I was going to be 20 minutes late. Great! I am disappointing my manager by not showing up for my meeting with her and others that I should be leading and I ticked off Jaden and left Clay screaming for his mom. I am a terrible mom and a bad employee. I definitely had the moment of, "why am I doing this?" Wouldn't life be easier if......I will not even say it.

My afternoon at work went surprisingly smoothly and everything seemed to eventually workout ok. Clay ran to greet me at school. Jaden warmed up to me by the time we got home and there was no more fighting or attitude tonight.

I know I am a good mom and I am a good engineer but I am sure there will be many moments where I doubt my skills in either role. Today was filled with lots of doubt in my capabilities. Tonight recharged me and I enjoyed cooking dinner with my boys and painting pumpkins (from the field trip) with my boys. The best part of the night was getting big hugs from Jaden and Clay before bedtime. Brings a smile to my face even now.

bad reflection

Tonight the boys went to church with Bryan while I stayed home recovering from some virus (sore throat, aches and fever last night). The boys talked about loving others and each made a special card for someone they love. They are in separate classes at church so they didn't know what each other was doing. At the end of church, Clay came out and gave Jaden his special card. Inside it said,

"Dear Jaden,
Tonight I was thinking of
someone I thank God for.
Someone who cares for me.
Someone who makes me smile.
Someone who loves me with God's love.
Someone like you.
I want to let you know
I LOVE YOU.
Clay"

Of course this was written by Clay's teachers but Clay chose the name he wanted in the card and who to give the card to. He chose Jaden. So sweet that he thought of his brother when the teacher read him these things.

The sad thing is that when Clay gave it to Jaden, Jaden said that he didn't like it. Even when Bryan and I prompted him to say thank you. He still said I don't like it. Clay even drew a picture in the card for Jaden. It didn't matter to Jaden. He didn't like it.

Jaden did understand what Clay did because Jaden did the same thing. He made a card for his cousin, Kira, and wants to mail it to her.

At first this was so saddening to me and disappointing that I couldn't get it across to Jaden that he made Clay sad by saying this. Clay tried to make it seem like he didn't care but it did seem to bother him a little.

The more saddening thing is that Jaden is a reflection of me. There have been too many times in my life that I haven't appreciated the gifts that I have been given. I am a critical person just like Jaden. Jaden probably saw the picture that Clay drew and thought I don't really like that picture, as he says about most of Clay's pictures. We are trying to teach him to keep that to himself and only offer compliments. That is hard for me to do, let alone teach my 4 year old.

I am saddened by Jaden's reaction to Clay's expression of love but I am even more saddened at my own unappreciative heart. I need to appreciate other's love for me. My dear Bryan has been the recipient of too much of my criticism and not enough of my appreciation and I wish that I wasn't passing this onto my son. I am choosing to show more love and appreciation when others show me love.

feeling like a mom

There have been many days in the first few years of motherhood that I looked at my kids, my family, my life and thought, "How can I be a mom to two boys already?" It just didn't seem to fit. It was too soon. It was too much. Two kids! That seems to have all sunk in and it just feels right.

Jaden is 4 and 3/4 and Clay is 3 and they are so much a part of my life that it would be very difficult to imagine life without them. It is getting harder and harder to remember what life was like before kids. I know that marriage was easier then and that seems to be the biggest difference now. There is less time to do things that I like and there is less time to do things that Bryan and I like to do together. There is less time for church ministry and less time to watch movies. There is less time for clothes shopping and more time for grocery shopping.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how comfortable I feel with this mothering thing. It probably has something to do with watching my 2 nieces more lately. My sister-in-law, Chrystine, is in grad school getting her masters in social work (so proud of her for doing this). I really want to support Kirk and Chrystine over the next difficult year of their lives. I am happy to take care of the girls. Four kids can be a lot sometimes and it sure make me feel like a mom. I rarely am at home when I take care of the boys all day. I enjoy getting out to do things with them but this is much harder and not worth the effort when there are 4 kids involved. I have had to be creative in coming up with things for the kids to do. I feel like I have been pretty successful with it all but it sure makes me feel like a mom. There is no denying it.

Today we played with blocks, cars and ramps, made art projects, used masking tape all over the house (created an exercise area, a football field, diagonal lines, fort), created with pipe cleaners, played with Cars movie toys on the masking tape Nascar race track on our carpet, read books and cleaned up a hundred times. I also made two snacks and 3 meals today. I did 2 loads of laundry, checked my home and work email, talked with Bryan and took a nap! Wow, that was quite a mothering day! Time for a loooong nap.

One of the favorite activities when the 4 kids are together is building forts. I love it; probably that engineering side of me. We have used couches, cushions, chairs, pillows, blankets, sheets, tape, chip clips, laundry baskets and moved lots of furniture. This was one of my favorite activities when I was little. My mom always let us create forts and I had many fun times in them with my brother, Kirk.

Jaden, the reader

My sweet, little Jaden can read! I had hoped he would be sounding out words before he turned 5 and he is! Still hard to believe that he really gets it! It is quite amazing to see so much clicking in his brain. Bryan and I have really had to try hard to not push him to read (especially me). I am naturally an overachiever and sometimes that gets put on my kids. I don't want it to so Bryan helps me relax about a lot of things.

Anyway, Jaden has been really interested in sounding out words lately and I asked him if I could read a Bob book with him and he refused to even let me read it. He then told me that he would read it daddy that night. And sure enough he did. He has now been reading to Bryan the last few nights and I got to listen in last night. What a treat! He is getting good at memorizing some words but it really quite good at sounding words out. I am not sure how things clicked for him because just a week ago, it seemed like he was so far away. We would sound out a word like "can" and he would say "k" "aaa" "nnn" and then say "car." I could not follow his connection and he was doing that all the time. I think, in a way, he was just guessing what the word was. Anyway, I guess trying to be really gentle and just reinforcing the individual sounds eventually built up enough confidence in his ability. I am just loving that he is loving reading right now!

On a side note and equally big accomplishment, Clay went pee in a portable toilet (port-a-potty thing) today. This is a big deal because I have taken him many times, in many places with no luck. The walk from the port-a-potty back to our friends was so cute. Clay just kept repeating to himself, "I did it!" So great to know that it built his confidence and glad to know he has a positive tape in his head.