Tuesday, March 31, 2009

no cereal for Jaden

I messed up this morning. I yelled at my boys while we were trying to hurry out the door to get to preschool and work. It was the first time it happened since I went back to work in January. God has been helping me a lot with my yelling problem.

Yes, I do have a problem with yelling. I let things get under my skin and either don’t or can’t deal with them until they come spewing out. It really isn’t attractive or loving when it comes out on my boys.

I intentionally don’t try to rush out of the door because it only makes things harder for the boys. They just don’t understand and can’t deal with rushing.

The thing that set me off this morning was finding out that Jaden didn’t get cereal at school yesterday because we got their just after 8am. He had been looking forward to eating cereal at school as he does most days. That morning, yesterday, we were running a few minutes later than the day before. The lateness had been building and each day I have been getting a little later. Yesterday it meant that Jaden didn’t get cereal. He did have some fruit on the way to school and he turned down a bagel, which Clay gladly accepted. He actually dealt with it very well but was wanting to get to school earlier today so that he could have cereal. That was a good idea but it would have been better (I think) if he had told me before we were already going to be later than 8am to school.

Jaden did pretty well with the whole fiasco but Clay ended up crying and screaming for the last 15 minutes before we made it out the door. They both had a hard time getting their coats and boots on and getting their toy for sharing time. That is when I lost it and yelled

We planned ahead and got a full breakfast in the van of pear, grapes, bagel and granola bar, with the boys each choosing different items. We were too late for Jaden to get cereal today. We will try harder for tomorrow without the yelling.

I felt just terrible. I had unhappy boys. I yelled. Veggie Tales music in the van did help cheer them up. I apologized and they forgave me. I love that my boys are so forgiving. We prayed in the van before getting to school and they were happily dropped off. Now if I can only accept their forgiveness and God’s forgiveness. Grace is starting to sink in.


Roxanne said...

Raquel, I so appreciate your honesty that you show and that you are a "real" person who struggles with the same things that so many people struggle with (me included). I know it's not fun to share stuff like this on your blog, but I hope it helps you vent, see you are human (and a sinner, like the rest of us who NEEDS forgiveness)and that you are LOVED! Not only by your two boys, your husband, but also your sister! I love you!

Raquel Jarabek said...

Thanks for the nice comment, Roxanne. I really appreciate it.

I enjoy being honest. It helps me process life. The writing also helps me move on and hopefully learn.