Wednesday, October 31, 2012

foster child update

It has been one year since we had our first foster child come into our house. Almost 4 year old, Alexis, arrived to our house on 10/24/11. One year ago we were taking three children trick-or-treating. Life was crazy and we had big hopes that it would get less crazy. We lived in extreme stress for 6 months with Alexis and had to let her move on to another family about 6 months ago. Our family has recovered for the most part but we will never be the same people we were before doing foster care.

Alexis is now with a great family that is in the process of adopting her and her story in foster care has a great ending. God really did provide when we needed him to. He brought amazing parents, without other kids, and with the skills and love that Alexis needed. On top of that, the new family wants us involved in their lives. We had hoped and prayed that we would be able to keep up with Alexis. We love that little girl and hope that we can somehow overcome the difficulties and be her friends for life. The new parents are hoping that our continuing relationship also helps Alexis understand that she is still loved by us even though our relationship is different now.

Since Alexis left at the end of April, we have seen her a few times but the times together usually don't end well. She has fun with us for awhile and then something happens and memories are probably triggered and her behavior worsens.

About 2 months ago, I met with the new mom and Alexis for lunch and I enjoyed it but it was also difficult. The boys and Bryan haven't seen her in about 4 months but we were hoping for a short trick-or-treating visit at their house tonight. It was all setup to happen but it just got canceled. Alexis is having a really hard time right now trusting that her new parents won't leave her and that they love her. She asks them a lot and she cries a lot. She cries when life is hard and anything can bring out the tears. Not sure if she is remembering where she was a year ago but something has triggered this as a harder time for her.

It breaks my heart that she is having a harder time than usual time right now. I had been looking forward to seeing her tonight. I know that we helped Alexis get through some tough times in the past but I still have lots of negative thoughts creep in about what damaging things we did to her by not adopting her. I know it was for the best for her and for us but it still has some negative results attached to it.

I am happy to go trick-or-treating with my two little super heroes, Jaden and Clay (who chose to wear their same costumes this year), but I will also be thinking about what life was like one year ago. Alexis will always be in my prayers.


Margaret Feinberg said...

Letting go of Alexis must have been so hard! I can't even imagine. But so proud of you for taking such a journey!

Margaret Feinberg said...

Great costumes. They are adorable little trick or treaters! Praying for Alexis as well.

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