Tuesday, March 20, 2012

little girl takes the blame

Today our little foster girl got to see her birth mom at a one and a half hour visit. She was very much looking forward to it especially after mom didn't show up last week. After the visit, little girl was very talkative. She seemed to be reminiscing about her life. She kept telling me that she was nice and she went to jail. "Me nice. Me not bad. Me go to jail." After more questions and having her explain it about five times, she was talking about the night she got taken from her mom. In little girl's mind, she went to jail because she was on the street. She is now terrified of going in the street. She doesn't want to go to jail again.

I attempted to explain to her that she went to a shelter, not jail after she was found on the street. She firmly disagreed repeatedly. She is convinced she went to jail and that is the reason she is not with her mom. Whenever we try to explain that her mom didn't take good care of her or that her mom is on drugs or sick, she denies all of it with anger and yelling. In her head, she has a good mom. It was all she knew until she was taken away. I don't think she is old enough to grasp the different kind of family or house that she is in now as compared to what she used to have. She doesn't trust me or Bryan and doesn't believe a lot of what we say. We will continue to remind her that she is not the reason she was taken from her mom. Her mom is the reason they are not together. Her mom has made bad choices and so this little girl needs a better home.

Kids seem to always blame themselves for anything bad that happens around them even when they are not responsible for the bad action. We see that so clearly with our little foster girl. It makes me wonder what actions of mine that the boys will blame themselves. It is also interesting for me to think about the kids' bad actions and their choices to escape blame or consequences. Are these two opposite scenarios tied together? When parents make mistakes, the kids feel bad and feel like they are the ones who made a mistake. When kids make mistakes, the kids pretend to not feel bad and portray that they didn't make a mistake. In reality, the kids probably feel bad when their parents make mistakes and when they, themselves, make mistakes. Poor kids are taking on way too much on their shoulders. Kids need to be reminded that parents make mistakes and the kids are not blame.

1 comment:

TB said...

I work really hard to own my mistakes and let the boys see this. I want them to see I am human :) You are doing such a good job R and B :) Little Girl is lucky to have you.