work and war

I am learning all kinds of new words at work lately:
defilade-using an obstacle to conceal or shield
fratricide-killing of a brother; friendly fire

I read the word Warfighter countless times today. This is the first project that I have been constantly reminded that I am helping soldiers. I actually believe this weapon will help soldiers fight wars so that their lives may be spared.

I do not like war and wish we never had to fight wars. That is not the reality we live in. I still wish I was not apart of war by designing weapons.

My job does make me think of soldiers more and how hard their lives must be, especially when at war. I do not keep going back to work because of the soldiers that may be helped. I do not keep going back to work because I think weapons are cool. I do not keep coming back to work because of the day to day tasks that I do.

I keep going back to work because of the people that I am surrounded by. I want to get to know them, invest in them, befriend them, love them and help them move toward God on their spiritual journey.

I just wish, hope and pray that someday soon, I will get to go to work for that reason AND because I love the work that I do. Here's hoping that I get a call for a NASA interview soon.

we have a great babysitter

Tabitha is our awesome babysitter. The boys love her. She is at our house every Wednesday night for Meal Group and comes sporadically for date nights. She has fun with our kids and takes good care of them. She rarely has anything negative to say about them, which I question, but she says the boys are so good.

Sometimes the boys get to watch movies with Tabitha. She is great about playing board games with the boys. They love to play games! Therefore, they love Tabitha.

Tabitha always makes macaroni and cheese and hot dogs for the boys. They love the routine of it and they love that meal. Again this makes them love her more. I feel a little bad for Tabitha but I try to provide her with other options for her to eat if she is interested.

Last night when she came, she brought 2 packages of sugar cookie dough, frosting and sprinkles. What a great babysitter! I knew the kids would enjoy that.

The boys enjoyed a cookie last night and a couple cookies today. I keep finding sprinkles all over the kitchen but it is worth it. Tabitha is so great, she even does our dishes. I will clean up a few sprinkles any day for someone who loves my boys and does my dishes! Thanks Tabitha.

I love free concerts and being a mom

I had a great Mother's Day on Sunday with my boys and husband. Bryan's schedule was off because he had been working overnights so I planned to make breakfast with the boys. My favorite breakfasts always involved some yummy, homemade bread/grain treat and fruit and don't forget the chocolate milk. The boys and I decided to make banana pancakes. I love it when they help me in the kitchen. I would love to raise boys who like to cook.

We had banana pancakes 3 times in Honduras and I fell in love with them. So yummy! We made the recipe that we got from some friends in staff housing there. I wasn't sure how they would turn out but they were as good as I remember. We had banana pancakes with syrup, strawberries and chocolate milk.

While we were eating, Jaden asked, "Why do we get chocolate milk?"
I replied, "Because it is a special day for me and I like to share it."
He seemed ok with that answer and any answer would have been just fine.
He was just thinking, "How do I make this happen everyday?"

After our mid-morning breakfast, Bryan planned for us to go to a free orchestra concert at the Landmark Center in downtown St. Paul. The St. Paul Symphony does a free concert there every Mother's Day. We went two years ago and it was my best Mother's Day memory yet. The building is just beautiful and has a huge glass ceiling and atrium. Such a beautiful setting for a concert. The concert was about an hour long and the boys did pretty well with snacks and toys in the balcony. Their favorite part was the guest percussionist that did the last song (26 minutes long). He was amazing and so fun to watch.

We attempted to go for a mid-afternoon lunch/dinner before church at the Cheesecake Factory. We didn't think it would be so busy at 3:30 but we guessed wrong. We ended up going to PF Chang's which was ok but they ran out of everything fun for the kids (no colors or papers or kids chopsticks or magna-doodles) which made the meal not so fun. We ended the night with church and the boys favorite outside game, bocce ball.

It was a great Mother's Day!

broken garage door mama

Yesterday I joined the ranks of great women: my mom, my mother-in-law and at least one sister-in-law. I ran into the garage door! Thankfully our old door recovered well and my quick instincts made me stop instantaneously. That mother-like instinct of, "I just hit something or ran over something," made me stop right away. I quickly realized it was the garage door and hit the button to stop it. One wheel of the garage door came off the track, which my handy husband, Bryan, was able to fix. I just pushed the bent wooden door back in place.

I think that all of those great women were just distracted by their kids as I was yesterday. All great moms. Happy Mother's Day Mom, Vicki, Roxanne, Nicole, Chrystine and Laura and to all the grandmas!

my smart boys

I hesitate to write this blog but hopefully it will help me keep things in perspective. Today Bryan and I met with the boys teacher at the Montessori school they attend 3 days a week. I always enjoy talking with Mr. Jason and today was no exception.

We first talked about Clay. We talked about that Clay still observes a lot of work and needs encouragement to perform his own work. He is interested in older materials that are usually not interesting to other 3 year old kids, such as math materials and reading. We were told today that Mr. Jason has observed Clay reading 2 words at different times. We have not been pushing this but he has been going along the journey of Jaden learning to read. Mr. Jason went on to say that in his 10 years of teaching that he has only had one other 3 year old that was so interested in reading at this young of an age. That is pretty cool that Clay is already at that stage. Much sooner than I thought he would be there.

Then we talked about Jaden. He is five and continues to practice reading and language materials. We talked about how he is doing addition in his head already. He has worked some with the math materials but not that much. It seems he has picked it up very easily. We didn't put any effort into teaching him addition (which is unusual because I seem to put effort into everything he learns). He is not only adding numbers up to 10 + 10 and larger, but he is adding them in his head, without paper or using fingers. Bryan thinks he might be a little math whiz.

I am thinking both of our boys are little geniuses. I am just happy knowing that this will make school more enjoyable for them. I hesitate in writing this because I have a problem comparing my boys to other kids. I see other kids and wonder why are my boys not doing that? It makes me feel bad that I am not teaching them more and devoting more time to it. I have way too high of expectations for myself and them. This is just a bad cycle of guilt and feeling like I am not doing enough. I am working on comparing my kids less and realizing that they are individuals and will do things at different times compared to other kids.

I am trying to celebrate my kids learning ability but I hope that this is not causing others to have comparison problems, like me. Through this, I am trying to realize that it is truly God that I have to thank for my boys learning ability. It is because of Him that they are so blessed. Thanks God.

nephews

Joshua, 4 months old


Gregory, 3 years old

I have 6 nephews (and 2 nieces) and I got to spend over 5 days with 2 of my nephews this week. It was so great to get to know Gregory and Joshua more over the last few days.

Gregory is going to be one of those amazing adults that is so encouraging and positive that you can't help but just want to be around him. He continually compliments people and says nice things. He is the most polite kid I have ever met. His parents are raising him well but I think God has just given him an incredible heart. He has such grown-up emotion about people. I love being around him and he is only three. He and I pulled a bunch of weeds this week and he just kept telling me nice things. "Quel, you doing nice job." "Quel, this looks good." "Quel, you good worker." He always says please and thank you and your welcome. So sweet.

Joshua is one of those kids that you work really hard to raise, especially during infancy, and it causes you to love him more, with quirks and all. He is not an easy-going baby but it feels so good to figure out something that makes him happy. When you make a baby like Joshua happy, it is so rewarding. His smiles in between screams and crying make me want to try harder to please him. He can be cuddly but he wants you to figure him out first. He needs a soft blanket in his hands to hold. He only likes being held in your left arm. Sometimes he just needs to suck on his pacifier in between gulps of the bottle. I love this little, finicky guy.

my sister

I am heading back to Bloomington today to see my boys and husband after being gone for 6 days. I am very fortunate that I got to help my sister, Roxanne, and her family (Tom, Gregory and Joshua) this week. Roxanne got out of the hospital on Sunday night when I arrived so we got to spend the week together at her house.

Roxanne has recovered quite well. She has some bruising from shots to her stomach and is short of breath sometimes but the pain seems to be getting better. She is one tough woman. I know that most moms are but she was a trooper while taking care of her kids in and out of the hospital. It is amazing what a mom is trained to do after having a kid. We can go through pain and sickness and still make sure that our kids are fed and clothed. Roxanne has reminded me of how true this is.

Roxanne and Tom are both tough people. Both have been in pain at various times throughout the week. Tom had invasive knee surgery a few weeks ago. He is not back to his fully capable self yet so I am glad I could help him out too.

I tried to jump in and help whenever I could with loading and unloading the dishwasher, changing diapers, getting kids dressed, feeding kids, folding clothes and going up and down stairs to get a variety of items. I also helped get some stuff ready for Gregory's 3 year old birthday party tomorrow.

I love my family and love my sister and her family. I want to be a sister and daughter that helps out whenever possible. I know they would have survived without me but I am happy that I got to make their load a little lighter by being there.

family medical issues

I am in Colorado Springs helping my sister, Roxanne, and her family. She got out of the hospital yesterday after being admitted with multiple blood clots in her lungs. She is still in pain and recovering so it is nice to be here to help with my 4 month old nephew, Joshua, and my almost 3 year old nephew, Gregory. Gregory's birthday is tomorrow so it will be fun to be here for that.

It is very rare for someone as young as my sister (4 years older than me) to get blood clots in her lungs but she has two risk factors: had a baby less than 6 months ago and was on birth control (Yaz which has a higher incidence of clots than other BC pills). I am learning that if you have pain when you breathe, it can be very dangerous. She had pain with every breath, not just deep breaths.

We are all very thankful that she knew that the pain was too much to bear and went into the ER. Things could have been much worse but we are very thankful to God for getting her through this.

I will be here till Friday when I fly home. My husband has been amazing through all of this and has the kids by himself this week. We are getting help from school, my brother and his family, a babysitter and a friend in order to get through this week. We are very grateful to everyone who is helping out while I am out of town.

meal group

We have a couples Meal Group that meets every Wednesday night, sometimes at our house and usually led by Bryan and me. Last night it was our turn to host. Bryan made the majority of dinner which was a big feat for him because he doesn't like to cook. He made his first turkey! It turned out pretty well but he is even better at mashed potatoes. We had corn and rolls too. I made the gravy and one of my favorite desserts, carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. I am looking forward to dessert leftovers tonight. The cake turned out awesome! I love that recipe even though I only make it about once a year.

We love our meal group. It is not just a small group with our church. We get to share life over meals every Wednesday. I love those couples. They are our family in Minneapolis.

resting is hard

This morning I went to a women's gathering at my church, Upper Room Community. I was looking forward to the speaker who makes the Bible come alive as we discuss it together. Before her talk all of the women were divided into small groups of 6-10 women. We had a few warm-up questions to help us get to know each other. One of the questions asked was, "If you could have a super-power, what would it be?" I have had this question asked of me before but do not remember what I have answered in the past. Someone else answered first as I was thinking of my answer. I had just bitten into my muffin when my answer just came to me. I had to get it out. There was a pause in conversation and so with food in my mouth, I blurted out clumsily, "I would not want to have to sleep."

This is so telling of me. I was embarrassed after I said it because of the food still in my mouth but probably more so because of what my words say about me. I always feel like there is more to do in this life. It would be so great if I didn't have to sleep. I could get so much done. I clearly have a problem relaxing, as my husband likes to remind me. Why do I feel such a weight to get more done? I really do want to live the best life possible, that God will allow me to live. I want to live every moment like it's my last and squeeze every last little bit of fun, emotion and conversation out of life. I hope that I am doing everything with God's strength and not to impress God or others. I know that there is nothing I can do to get God to love me more.

Somehow I need to realize the benefit of rest and relaxation and rejuvenation and that God commands us to have that in our lives. Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy. Work 6 days and rest on the 7th. What does that look like in our lives today when we work 5 days or 3 days at a job, and take care of our houses and kids? I am still trying to figure that out.

helping the soldiers

Today was the first day in the last 15 months at work that I truly felt like I was working on a weapon to help a soldier stay alive in Afghanistan. We got feedback on the weapon that it needs to be able to shoot farther distances because the soldiers are getting fired at with rocket propelled grenades at too close of ranges.

Bryan thinks I am working on a pretty cool weapon but I am not in agreement. I never thought I would be working on a gun (weapon) and bullets (ammunition).

The ammunition was #46 on the Time magazine best inventions of 2009. You can read about it here by clicking on 46. The Smart Bullet.

On a side note, I also worked on the best invention of 2009, according to Time. I spent 2 months working on the Ares 1 rocket to replace the Space Shuttle, which is why I took the job I have now. Too bad it didn't last longer.

You know you work on weapons when...(#7)

...you are told that you will soon be calculating Pi (subscript i), which is the PROBABILITY OF INCAPACITATION! Really!?! This is great motivation to look for another job.

I am working on the most clearly lethal weapon in my repertoire yet. It is a quite powerful and innovative gun. Jaden thinks it is pretty cool, but tries to sympathize by telling me to quit and stay home. Clay feels my agony and thinks I should get another job.

The boys were quite taken by watching a Star Wars cartoon with a friend in Honduras and told me about "a bubble that protects you from guns." Then they asked me if I could make a bubble gun. They think my job is pretty cool even though I don't.

Easter boys

Here are my sweet, yet rambunctious boys while refusing to pose for pictures.

We had lots of fun this Easter, including 3 egg hunts (probably more to come around our house this week). The boys love hiding and finding anything. We were asked more than a few times if Jesus is still on the cross and, "Where is Jesus now?" I really think the boys just liked hearing us tell them that Jesus is in heaven and all around us.

layoffs and a new manager

There has been a lot of transition at my workplace the last 2 days. Not good transition. Yesterday 36 people were laid off. There was no warning and no discussion prior to this. The individuals were told to pack of their stuff and leave. The building was drastically affected by this. People were sad and half-moping and half-wondering what is going on.

I wondered why him and not me. I felt bad for my coworkers with no income. I personally new and worked with 2 of the guys. I feel for them but it seems like there is not much I can do.

Yesterday I was also told that I would be getting a new manager and that engineering was getting reorganized. My manager would still have a job but just a different one. I was worried about this because my manager hired me and she is very understanding of me working part-time. She has given me a lot of flexibility that I don't want to lose. Today I found out who my new manager is and it is the best possible option so that is good.

Hopefully next week will be calmer but I am doubtful because I am stuck in a tug-of-war between two programs that want me to work for them and each wants me to only work on their program. We will see...