Thursday, May 19, 2011

identity issues

Being in Honduras for the third time is feeling more and more comfortable. It is definitely easier to survive here than our first trip. I know where stuff is. I know how I can get around. I know what needs to get done most days. Life is manageable. So why do I feel like I have identity issues?

I have filled my time, my mom's time and the boys' time with things. Good things. Things that keep us from sitting around wondering what to do and if it was worth it to come here. We have been to the beach. Done some laundry. Walked over to the hospital and toured around a little. Ordered fresh tortillas. Made dinner meals of spaghetti, tacos and enchiladas. In the mean time, my mom and I were setting up projects to do. I forget that it always takes a little time to do this. So I have been questioning why am I here and how can I be helpful. Am I ok with being here for Bryan to help out and me to just live life and take care of the boys? I have a hard time only having identity in my spouse and kids. It is really hard for me. I don't do well when I am not sure what I am good at doing.

So today I started feeling helpful. Mom and I both have a few projects to do and it feels good. She made a cake for a birthday girl. She has a few sewing projects with more coming in. We got to work in the eye clinic today with the boys helping too. I have more work in the eye clinic to do. I am also helping out the IT missionary. Being helpful feels good and it is rewarding. Bring on the projects.

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