Wednesday, July 21, 2010

anger rising

It is not that is wrong to be angry but this morning I got angry about the wrong things. I was irritated at myself for taking so long to get ready for work and getting up late. I was tired from staying up too late last night, in addition to not getting enough sleep the two previous nights.

Instead of letting my own issues go, I took it out on my kids. They are slow to get ready and get out the door. This is normal. It is their way of life. They are never in a hurry and I am constantly in a hurry and trying to get them to hurry up. I had to repeatedly ask them to get their shoes on, go out the door and get in their carseats. It just wears me out. If I gave them a consequence for not listening on the first time that I asked, they would have that consequence 99% of the time we leave the house. I am just not sure it is worth it. I am the one who needs to change here, not my kids. This is my problem of lateness colliding with their enjoyment of living in the present.

I tell my kids they are “making me angry.” But in reality, it is my choice. They can not make me angry. I have chosen to be angry over something inconsequential. I did not need to be to work by an earlier time. I just wanted to be there earlier. I will be apologizing to my boys tonight.

I get frustrated with my kids and then every little thing irritates me, like my husband forgetting to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. It builds until I hit my head or trip or drop something. I am not good at getting rid of frustration.

I need to work on
letting my frustrations go,
not making my kids feel bad for my own issues,
not taking my anger out on my kids,
and enjoying the moment.

I can only do that with God’s help and correction. I know He is correcting me now. God works through our frustrations and makes something beautiful out of them...beautiful character.


Roxanne said...

Raquel, I catch myself telling Gregory to hurry up so often too, when it's my fault we are running late usually, not his. I get so tired of not being on time...I think I need to live in a place where time doesn't matter...but then my husband wouldn't be able to survive...guess I'll just work on this along with you...I love him (Tom) too much to want to be without him :-)

TB said...

deep breaths raquel--you are a good mom. there are times i am sure that you are 100% right (that you are frustrated with yourself and take it out on the boys) but you do not need to feel so bad right now. teaching the boys to be somewhere on time is a great skill to give them. by expecting them to do something (following through, getitng their shoes on the first time, listening to you), you are not be unreasonable and teaching them to be a good and responsible little person. hang in there r and don't be so hard on yourself!

TB said...

oh and i am working on my own consistency with the boys :) we all have things we are working on :D