The boys have been asking for us to hang lights on the outside of our house at Christmas ever since we moved into this house 3 years ago and we had a bunch of free lights from my brother (Thanks, Kevin!). So I thought, why not this year! We had been getting the lights ready throughout the day on that Saturday, a week ago, and when we finally had them ready after replacing bulbs and buying one more set, I just wanted to get the lights hung and didn't care that it was snowing and dark. The boys came outside to play in the snow while I hung lights. I warned them to go get dad inside the house if I fell. I was not feeling very confident about my ladder skills. Clue #1. It was snowing and everything was slippery. Clue #2. What are these clues leading to...do not hang lights today.
Bryan had just come outside to help me and I told him, just let me fix this one light. Bryan walked around to the side of the house where the boys were playing. And that is when the big fall happened. I was about half way done and the ladder slipped on the driveway and it
went crashing to the ground with me landing on top of it. I cracked a corner piece off the ladder and smashed a few light bulbs in the process. I yelled as soon as I caught my breath after having the wind knocked out of me. I fell on the ladder and gravity hurt me badly.
I felt like everything was broken at that moment and did not want to take a breath. I yelled for what seemed like a minute, probably just a few seconds. I didn't want to stop letting air out of my lungs because I was terrified how much it would hurt to take a breath. The boys and Bryan were very concerned. Jaden later asked twice if I was going to die. We reassured him I would be ok but at that moment I didn't believe it. Bryan helped me get into the house and I almost passed out in the entryway. I laid on the floor to recover my sight and hearing. Then I moved to the couch. There was no comfortable position to lay but I couldn't move. Partially out of fear and partially out of everything hurting. Bryan checked me out and at first he thought nothing was broken. The more I sat, the more I knew something was really wrong with my right arm. I couldn't hardly move it. There was discussion about going to urgent care and Bryan informed me that they wouldn't cast me if it was broken so we should try to wait it out until Monday when I could see an orthopedic doctor who would put on a cast if needed. Later that night he got a sling for my increasingly painful and possibly broken right elbow. Clay asked if I broke my funny bone. I wish I could've laughed but the pain was too much. As time went on, we were both convinced it was broken around my elbow and we planned on seeing an orthopedic doctor on Monday to get an x-ray and potential cast. I was hurting everywhere which made it hard to pin point what was really hurting. My sternum hit the ladder and was in great pain and so were my ribs. We are pretty sure now that I probably broke a rib on my left side because I still have a lot of pain there. I have bruises all over but they took awhile to appear. I have bruises in parts that I didn't know I hit.
On Monday we found out that my arm is not broken. Many prayers of thanksgiving have been said over the last week. I am so glad I can use my arm even though it is only partially working. The doctor told me to quit using the splint then and that I needed to move my painful arm to get it to heal and regain my range of motion. So I have been using my right arm as much as possible but I only have about 90% range of motion and it hurts a lot to move it still. I probably only have about 25% muscle control in my right arm. Everything is painful from pumping soap to putting on my seat belt but I am gritting it out. I want my healthy arm back and the more I use it, the better it will get. I am taking it easy on carrying things. I can't lift any small children or heavy items as the doctor ordered. Lifting could make the damage take longer to heal. Hopefully in 3 weeks time, I will be lifting items again. Bryan is taking on the task of physical therapist now and forcing movement when it doesn't seem possible. I appreciate his help and hope that I get better sooner because of it.
I am still not sleeping well. My ribs are hurting so badly that they wake me up at night repeatedly. I am still taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen throughout the day and night for pain. This is not great timing when I really could use a good night of sleep every night in order to take better care of the 3 challenging kids in my house. Lots of prayers going up for healing, sleep and for little girl tantrums to end in our household. Thanks for your prayers.
Showing posts with label Just Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just Me. Show all posts
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
food for thought
I have been chewing on some thoughts lately.
I am a disciplinarian. I want my kids to do what I tell them and follow the rules because they are a better way to live life...better for themselves and better for other people. When they don't follow the rules, there are consequences. I air on the side of giving my kids consequences rather than reminding them again and giving grace. Now I know that there is a time for grace and a time for consequences but I know I deal out more consequences than grace at times. I also know that Jesus was a man full of grace when he walked this Earth. I am not always sure how to implement that when training my kids. A phrase that Jaden has told me a few times keeps echoing in my head. It is, "Just give him one more chance." This is usually referring to Clay but also applies to himself when Clay says it. This is grace...to give one more chance. I know that Jesus has done this for me more times that I can count. I need to implement some more grace into my parenting.
Another thought sticking in my mind came from my brother-in-law, Eric. He has a strong personality, not all that different than mind, and is not afraid to speak his mind. He recently told me to go easy on Bryan or be more kind or something to that affect. I brushed it off, thinking I know I should but oh well. Usually I can come up with some excuse. I am tired. I am cranky, too bad. Just deal with it. Or he did something to deserve my unkindness. But what I have noticed is that those excuses have been popping up in my head more and more often. That is not good. I need to reassess my words and actions. If I want to be loving, I need to be kind, especially to my husband. Love is kind.
I am a disciplinarian. I want my kids to do what I tell them and follow the rules because they are a better way to live life...better for themselves and better for other people. When they don't follow the rules, there are consequences. I air on the side of giving my kids consequences rather than reminding them again and giving grace. Now I know that there is a time for grace and a time for consequences but I know I deal out more consequences than grace at times. I also know that Jesus was a man full of grace when he walked this Earth. I am not always sure how to implement that when training my kids. A phrase that Jaden has told me a few times keeps echoing in my head. It is, "Just give him one more chance." This is usually referring to Clay but also applies to himself when Clay says it. This is grace...to give one more chance. I know that Jesus has done this for me more times that I can count. I need to implement some more grace into my parenting.
Another thought sticking in my mind came from my brother-in-law, Eric. He has a strong personality, not all that different than mind, and is not afraid to speak his mind. He recently told me to go easy on Bryan or be more kind or something to that affect. I brushed it off, thinking I know I should but oh well. Usually I can come up with some excuse. I am tired. I am cranky, too bad. Just deal with it. Or he did something to deserve my unkindness. But what I have noticed is that those excuses have been popping up in my head more and more often. That is not good. I need to reassess my words and actions. If I want to be loving, I need to be kind, especially to my husband. Love is kind.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
hard lives
I often have the question of why does it seem like some people have such hard lives and why does mine seem so blessed. I know that God is with me but He is there to be with everyone. I know that my parents have given me a good life and others have not been so fortunate. But today it just seems like there is so much more that I can't see about why my life is the way it is and why others have been given what they have.
When I heard of someone's sad and tragic story today, I just wish it could have been different for them. I pray that they have hope or find hope in Jesus. I don't want them to find a bunch of rules to live by but instead to find true freedom and great love in this life. I pray that they can see some of heaven here on Earth.
When I heard of someone's sad and tragic story today, I just wish it could have been different for them. I pray that they have hope or find hope in Jesus. I don't want them to find a bunch of rules to live by but instead to find true freedom and great love in this life. I pray that they can see some of heaven here on Earth.
Monday, March 21, 2011
science fair memories
Sunday night I went to bed with excitement in my head. I was excited to do something where I used my brain. I was excited to relive part of my past. I was excited to judge science fair projects.
I had such a blast today. I was in a bit of a rush getting through it all to get done and home before Bryan had to leave for work at 3:30. He was at home with the boys today after their fevers yesterday. Even in rushing, I loved it. I loved talking with 7th and 8th grade kids about science experiments that they had performed. I hope all of them fall in love with science even if they don't win anything. I hope they all do it again and come back next year.
I judged 12 physics and astronomy projects by junior high kids at the Minnesota State Science Fair. All of the kids had already been selected from regional science fairs to compete at the state competition. So these kids, for the most part, knew what they were doing and talking about. Of the 12 kids I talked with, 11 of them did a great job. One kid did not want to be there. He had been required to do a project at regionals. He read notecards to me and never wants to do this again. That is too bad but he seemed to know that he was good at working with his hands so hopefully that is his take-away from this experiment. I don't know who will win but the awards will be given Tuesday morning.
After I got home, I told the boys all about it. It was hard for them to understand what a science fair is. They saw a 30 second clip on the news this morning before I left so they knew where I was going and what the place looked like. I dug around in our storage bins and found pictures of me at science fairs in 10th, 11th and 12th grades. (Jaden cared much more about the awards than the pictures. J-"Can I have your ribbon?"... Me-"No, you have to earn awards like that.") Those were some important events in my life. That helped me realize I was good at science and math and good at giving a presentation. I won lots of awards but never made it to the International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF), which is the ultimate award to compete internationally. Science fair gave me confidence but also made me realize that I was not the best. I have been frequently reminded that I am not the best and it keeps me humble.
Ahhh, the science fair memories...they live on.
I had such a blast today. I was in a bit of a rush getting through it all to get done and home before Bryan had to leave for work at 3:30. He was at home with the boys today after their fevers yesterday. Even in rushing, I loved it. I loved talking with 7th and 8th grade kids about science experiments that they had performed. I hope all of them fall in love with science even if they don't win anything. I hope they all do it again and come back next year.
I judged 12 physics and astronomy projects by junior high kids at the Minnesota State Science Fair. All of the kids had already been selected from regional science fairs to compete at the state competition. So these kids, for the most part, knew what they were doing and talking about. Of the 12 kids I talked with, 11 of them did a great job. One kid did not want to be there. He had been required to do a project at regionals. He read notecards to me and never wants to do this again. That is too bad but he seemed to know that he was good at working with his hands so hopefully that is his take-away from this experiment. I don't know who will win but the awards will be given Tuesday morning.
After I got home, I told the boys all about it. It was hard for them to understand what a science fair is. They saw a 30 second clip on the news this morning before I left so they knew where I was going and what the place looked like. I dug around in our storage bins and found pictures of me at science fairs in 10th, 11th and 12th grades. (Jaden cared much more about the awards than the pictures. J-"Can I have your ribbon?"... Me-"No, you have to earn awards like that.") Those were some important events in my life. That helped me realize I was good at science and math and good at giving a presentation. I won lots of awards but never made it to the International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF), which is the ultimate award to compete internationally. Science fair gave me confidence but also made me realize that I was not the best. I have been frequently reminded that I am not the best and it keeps me humble.
Ahhh, the science fair memories...they live on.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
want for blogging
I want to keep blogging. It is healthy for me to process life. There are many things in my life that are blog-worthy every day but I don't always make time to retell the events.
I do not write for others to read, although I know there are a few people reading. I do like keeping up with people and I like exposing all of my insides to others. I have never been a person to hide things inside. If you know me for any length of time, you probably know that I don't shy away from any topic and will always answer personal questions. I enjoy conversation and asking questions of myself and others.
I am in want of my own blogging. I want the healing and completeness it brings to my life.
I do not write for others to read, although I know there are a few people reading. I do like keeping up with people and I like exposing all of my insides to others. I have never been a person to hide things inside. If you know me for any length of time, you probably know that I don't shy away from any topic and will always answer personal questions. I enjoy conversation and asking questions of myself and others.
I am in want of my own blogging. I want the healing and completeness it brings to my life.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
redirecting
So I was all set to write a post about the incredible dinner I made with our meal group ladies at our house last night. We had separate girls and boys nights to hangout and chat. The girls decided to cook a gourmet meal together and I had the perfect menu all picked out thanks to Rachael Ray. We enjoyed passion fruit fizz sour drinks, apples and pears with gruyere cheese, garlic and herb cheese spread and wheat crackers, carpaccio-wrapped asparagus, bay scallop risotto, chocolate dipped strawberries and doughnut holes with almond caramel sauce. We even took pictures of all the food. It was super yummy and looked delicious too. But this post is about the shift from my easy, indulgent-filled life to helping someone with a very hard life.
Today I volunteered at the Science Museum and meant to hangout there for awhile working on my resume but I forgot my laptop in the rush to get the boys to school. Anyway I ended up coming back home after an exhausting 4 hours at the museum and crashed on the loveseat. I had a bad headache and leg cramps. I did not end up working on my resume and needed to get up and get ready for more volunteering at the Minneapolis Market. I didn't really want to go there but I always enjoy it. Bryan encouraged me to go if I could. I am glad I went.
The market is this amazing food pantry where anyone (mostly low income people because of the neighborhood) can come to shop for free food with dignity. The customers have to become a member that is sponsored by someone paying for their food. It is honestly the only place that I get to go and have conversations with people that are poor in America. I go there to do a job but in the process get to have amazing conversations with people that God loves.
Tonight I met a lady that had hoped to join the market and get some free food but we do not have any openings right now. Her body displayed her disappointment and I decided to talk with her more. I discovered that she is out of work and volunteering in the hopes of getting a job at 3 different places. She is a single mom with a car but her car needs a new battery. Her son was carrying around a bag with an electrical car battery charger to use in order to start their car. Wow! That is crazy! I didn't know you could actually live life that way. My heart broke. I couldn't offer this lady free food from the market. I could go and buy her groceries but it seemed she really needed a battery but she didn't know how to put it in either. Thankfully her friend that she drove to the market had a membership and she got a few things from her. As she left, I got her contact info and said I was going to try to get her a new battery.
I immediately called Bryan. After telling him the story, he was on board. I left the market early. Bryan loaded up the boys and met me at Kmart nearby. We got a battery and Bryan installed it. We did what we could to show this lady the love of Jesus. She is my sister in Christ. She gave me a big hug before we left and said God bless you. I returned with an emphatic, "May God bless you!" I still feel her big bear hug. She will remain in my heart and mind for days to come.
God, keep my heart soft to love others and keep my eyes and ears open for when you want me to be your hands and feet.
Today I volunteered at the Science Museum and meant to hangout there for awhile working on my resume but I forgot my laptop in the rush to get the boys to school. Anyway I ended up coming back home after an exhausting 4 hours at the museum and crashed on the loveseat. I had a bad headache and leg cramps. I did not end up working on my resume and needed to get up and get ready for more volunteering at the Minneapolis Market. I didn't really want to go there but I always enjoy it. Bryan encouraged me to go if I could. I am glad I went.
The market is this amazing food pantry where anyone (mostly low income people because of the neighborhood) can come to shop for free food with dignity. The customers have to become a member that is sponsored by someone paying for their food. It is honestly the only place that I get to go and have conversations with people that are poor in America. I go there to do a job but in the process get to have amazing conversations with people that God loves.
Tonight I met a lady that had hoped to join the market and get some free food but we do not have any openings right now. Her body displayed her disappointment and I decided to talk with her more. I discovered that she is out of work and volunteering in the hopes of getting a job at 3 different places. She is a single mom with a car but her car needs a new battery. Her son was carrying around a bag with an electrical car battery charger to use in order to start their car. Wow! That is crazy! I didn't know you could actually live life that way. My heart broke. I couldn't offer this lady free food from the market. I could go and buy her groceries but it seemed she really needed a battery but she didn't know how to put it in either. Thankfully her friend that she drove to the market had a membership and she got a few things from her. As she left, I got her contact info and said I was going to try to get her a new battery.
I immediately called Bryan. After telling him the story, he was on board. I left the market early. Bryan loaded up the boys and met me at Kmart nearby. We got a battery and Bryan installed it. We did what we could to show this lady the love of Jesus. She is my sister in Christ. She gave me a big hug before we left and said God bless you. I returned with an emphatic, "May God bless you!" I still feel her big bear hug. She will remain in my heart and mind for days to come.
God, keep my heart soft to love others and keep my eyes and ears open for when you want me to be your hands and feet.
Monday, February 14, 2011
in the blaaaaahhhh
I don't know how to describe my life when people ask. I spend a lot of time at home since being laid off. (I know I am not supposed to say I was laid off...I mean ATK reduced their workforce and I was part of the 15% that was reduced, because I worked part-time.) I spend my time mostly by myself with some time around the kids. I take my kids to school and pick them up. I do exercise DVDs. I read books. I read the Bible. I make lists and cross things off my list. I do endless internet research. I look for jobs and apply for a few here and there. I go grocery shopping. I do laundry. I do the dishes. I clean and pick things up around the house. I put laundry away and I clean out the dishwasher. I listen to podcasts. I work on my resume--it is never perfect.
I spend most of my time in the house. That has been the most difficult part for me. I love being around people. I love conversation. The conversation can be about anything. It can be me listening to two friends talk. I just want to be around life and people living it. I know I am living my life but it doesn't seem that much is happening. That is probably because my life is about waiting right now. Maybe it should be about living but some days there is this haze that is blocking the joy...like today.
I know I have things to be joyful about. My husband. Our date tonight. The kids bring me joy. The boys got little presents for Valentine's Day. We tied ribbon to each boy's present and hid them and took the ribbon around the house and then finally tied it to their doorknob of their bedroom. When the got up this morning and followed the ribbon to their present, smiles abounded. It was contagious. Although Jaden said he would have rather had a different gift (we are working on gratefulness). But soon after he was asking to have a present hidden for every holiday and then went through all of the holidays throughout the year. My boys love gifts. And that brings me joy to see them happy.
There are other things in life that are tough and have potential for joy. We are going through a lot of adoption/foster care classes right now and that has huge potential for joy someday. I am looking for jobs and talking with new people all the time about job potential. That could also lead to more joy. Maybe it is just the long winter and spring has potential to bring more joy.
I spend most of my time in the house. That has been the most difficult part for me. I love being around people. I love conversation. The conversation can be about anything. It can be me listening to two friends talk. I just want to be around life and people living it. I know I am living my life but it doesn't seem that much is happening. That is probably because my life is about waiting right now. Maybe it should be about living but some days there is this haze that is blocking the joy...like today.
I know I have things to be joyful about. My husband. Our date tonight. The kids bring me joy. The boys got little presents for Valentine's Day. We tied ribbon to each boy's present and hid them and took the ribbon around the house and then finally tied it to their doorknob of their bedroom. When the got up this morning and followed the ribbon to their present, smiles abounded. It was contagious. Although Jaden said he would have rather had a different gift (we are working on gratefulness). But soon after he was asking to have a present hidden for every holiday and then went through all of the holidays throughout the year. My boys love gifts. And that brings me joy to see them happy.
There are other things in life that are tough and have potential for joy. We are going through a lot of adoption/foster care classes right now and that has huge potential for joy someday. I am looking for jobs and talking with new people all the time about job potential. That could also lead to more joy. Maybe it is just the long winter and spring has potential to bring more joy.
Friday, February 11, 2011
scrapbooking
I got back from a scrapbooking retreat yesterday where about 20 women, mostly from Rochester, MN gathered together. We rented a beautiful house and had lots of great conversation. I got quite a big of scrapbooking done. I did 25 pages which accounted for the major events in 2009. I am moving on to 2010 now and trying to decide between sticking with what I have been doing or switching to digital scrapbooking. I am still undecided. It has been a hand-on hobby of mine for so long that it is a big deal to change it. I started scrapbooking in 1997. Bryan and I have scrapbooks of us since we were dating. It is really neat to have that history for us to look through and being back so many special memories. It will always be important for me to do something physical that triggers things that have happened in my life. I love remembering. I think it helps me appreciate the present more and enjoy the life that I have.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
dueling interviews
I have two interviews lined up.
Today, on my birthday, I am interviewing at the Science Museum of Minnesota in St. Paul for a volunteer position. I am super-excited about this because of the future possibilities. There may be some space-related work for me in the summer-fall time frame. I am pretty sure I will not get turned down to volunteer because they already told me that they have a position for me. I am not sure what all they will be asking but I am treating it like a warm-up job interview.
The second interview is for a position at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in the Washington DC area. The phone interview is Monday, 1pm CST. I am not planning on getting the job but it is another opportunity for me to talk with people that I hope to work with someday. I was previously not chosen for this job because there were multiple PhD applicants with experience. A PhD is not required but they chose to offer the job to the 2 people with the most experience. Those two turned it down and now they are re-interviewing people. I do have some experience that relates to this position but I am assuming others with more experience will be interviewed. There are so many NASA contractors that are looking for jobs so the competition is great. I will be one of ten people interviewed so clearly there are many qualified applicants.
I will keep you updated on the job happenings. I am excited by these possibilities but still working hard to enjoy the life that I have instead of wishing and hoping and praying for a job elsewhere. It is easier to go on with life thinking I will be volunteering at the Science Museum and that I will get turned down for the Goddard position.
Today, on my birthday, I plan to take it easy as much as possible. Yesterday I finished a two week organizational project in our basement. It now is much more functional and we have a lot more open space for the boys to play. Today there will be exercise, interview preparation, lunch with a friend, interview to volunteer, maybe some time at the Science Museum, dinner with my family at the Cheesecake Factory and then relaxing with friends over a second dessert (cuz you can do that on your birthday) while they stay with us for the next 5 days.
This is a good birthday where I feel at peace with life (today) and ready to grab hold of whatever comes my way.
Today, on my birthday, I am interviewing at the Science Museum of Minnesota in St. Paul for a volunteer position. I am super-excited about this because of the future possibilities. There may be some space-related work for me in the summer-fall time frame. I am pretty sure I will not get turned down to volunteer because they already told me that they have a position for me. I am not sure what all they will be asking but I am treating it like a warm-up job interview.
The second interview is for a position at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in the Washington DC area. The phone interview is Monday, 1pm CST. I am not planning on getting the job but it is another opportunity for me to talk with people that I hope to work with someday. I was previously not chosen for this job because there were multiple PhD applicants with experience. A PhD is not required but they chose to offer the job to the 2 people with the most experience. Those two turned it down and now they are re-interviewing people. I do have some experience that relates to this position but I am assuming others with more experience will be interviewed. There are so many NASA contractors that are looking for jobs so the competition is great. I will be one of ten people interviewed so clearly there are many qualified applicants.
I will keep you updated on the job happenings. I am excited by these possibilities but still working hard to enjoy the life that I have instead of wishing and hoping and praying for a job elsewhere. It is easier to go on with life thinking I will be volunteering at the Science Museum and that I will get turned down for the Goddard position.
Today, on my birthday, I plan to take it easy as much as possible. Yesterday I finished a two week organizational project in our basement. It now is much more functional and we have a lot more open space for the boys to play. Today there will be exercise, interview preparation, lunch with a friend, interview to volunteer, maybe some time at the Science Museum, dinner with my family at the Cheesecake Factory and then relaxing with friends over a second dessert (cuz you can do that on your birthday) while they stay with us for the next 5 days.
This is a good birthday where I feel at peace with life (today) and ready to grab hold of whatever comes my way.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
resolutions
This year I have come up with a longer list than usual of New Year's Resolutions, probably because I think I have more time on my hands and I have already started implementing these.
1. Read 12 books this year.
2. Exercise 3+ times each week.
3. Lose 5 pounds over the year.
4. Read through the Old Testament of the Bible this year.
1. Read 12 books this year.
2. Exercise 3+ times each week.
3. Lose 5 pounds over the year.
4. Read through the Old Testament of the Bible this year.
breathtaking picture
One of my favorite pictures and my new background on my computer...breathtaking.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
unemployed
I am officially part of the unemployed. I am collecting unemployment as of today. I finally got my first unemployment check deposited into my checking account.
I have technically been unemployed since November 1st. I can't believe it took 5 1/2 weeks for me to start collecting unemployment. I did collect two weeks of severance pay and I technically worked during the week of November 1st so there goes three weeks. Then there is one waiting week where you don't get paid. That is up to four weeks now. Then you finally have a week where you get paid (the 5th week) and you can't collect it until the following week; hence 5 1/2 weeks later my first payment arrived. Wow, I sure hope others are not counting on unemployment to arrive right away.
I am getting outplacement services, paid for by ATK, to get me ready for my next job. Job hunting skills, resume updates, interview skills, etc. I am also getting very familiar with the MN Unemployment services. I have been looking for jobs but there is not much for me to apply for in the space field, particularly with NASA. I will open my horizons when I am dying to get back to work. For now, I am just trying to enjoy being unemployed.
I have technically been unemployed since November 1st. I can't believe it took 5 1/2 weeks for me to start collecting unemployment. I did collect two weeks of severance pay and I technically worked during the week of November 1st so there goes three weeks. Then there is one waiting week where you don't get paid. That is up to four weeks now. Then you finally have a week where you get paid (the 5th week) and you can't collect it until the following week; hence 5 1/2 weeks later my first payment arrived. Wow, I sure hope others are not counting on unemployment to arrive right away.
I am getting outplacement services, paid for by ATK, to get me ready for my next job. Job hunting skills, resume updates, interview skills, etc. I am also getting very familiar with the MN Unemployment services. I have been looking for jobs but there is not much for me to apply for in the space field, particularly with NASA. I will open my horizons when I am dying to get back to work. For now, I am just trying to enjoy being unemployed.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
snow-shoveling ministry
I am still trying to figure out what to do with my time since my layoff one month ago tomorrow (Nov. 1st). Today I was planning on working out in my comfortable living room to a challenging DVD when I thought, I should go shovel the inch or so of snow on our driveway.
As I was getting ready, I was thinking about shoveling our newly widowed neighbor's driveway too. As I was scooping our snow, I began thinking about the additional widow in our cul-de-sac. Then thoughts of other single women came to mind: the divorced lady down the street, the divorced lady across the street, the probably-widowed elderly lady across the street and the lady whose husband has been in South Africa for over a year tending to his elderly dad. Every driveway I shoveled, I realized there were more I could help. The two single sisters across the way and the stay-at-home mom nearby with her husband already gone to work. There are a lot of single women living around me. I think they might be the modern day widows Jesus talked about in the New Testament.
It sure feels good to help others and I got a good workout doing it. After I came inside, 9 driveways had been shoveled because I let God use me this morning. Good thing it was only an inch of snow!
This is making good use of my time while unemployed. I pray that I will listen to God's promptings more. I know this leads to a better, more fulfilling life.
As I was getting ready, I was thinking about shoveling our newly widowed neighbor's driveway too. As I was scooping our snow, I began thinking about the additional widow in our cul-de-sac. Then thoughts of other single women came to mind: the divorced lady down the street, the divorced lady across the street, the probably-widowed elderly lady across the street and the lady whose husband has been in South Africa for over a year tending to his elderly dad. Every driveway I shoveled, I realized there were more I could help. The two single sisters across the way and the stay-at-home mom nearby with her husband already gone to work. There are a lot of single women living around me. I think they might be the modern day widows Jesus talked about in the New Testament.
It sure feels good to help others and I got a good workout doing it. After I came inside, 9 driveways had been shoveled because I let God use me this morning. Good thing it was only an inch of snow!
This is making good use of my time while unemployed. I pray that I will listen to God's promptings more. I know this leads to a better, more fulfilling life.
Friday, November 19, 2010
brace face
Before:
After:
I am still figuring out what to fill my life with since being laid off but one thing that is sure to take up more time is having braces.
I have been seriously contemplating getting braces for about 3 years and finally went ahead and did it to take advantage of my orthodontic coverage that is expiring soon because of the layoff. I have an ectopic eruption of my upper right canine that is the main reason for the braces. I am very much looking forward to not experiencing the physical discomfort this tooth has caused me in the past.
I am sure to be in pain or at least uncomfortable for 18 to 24 months. I have not successfully been able to chew food since getting the braces put on Thursday afternoon. I am living on smoothies, milk shakes and mashed potatoes right now. I am sure to expand my menu into pudding, yogurt and oatmeal. Any other food suggestions are appreciated.
I was doing great for the first few hours after getting the braces. Last night and this morning were painful but Tylenol and Advil provided some relief. I am feeling less pain now and it is encouraging that it won't last forever. Maybe I will be able to chew something tomorrow but I am not counting on it.
After:
I am still figuring out what to fill my life with since being laid off but one thing that is sure to take up more time is having braces.
I have been seriously contemplating getting braces for about 3 years and finally went ahead and did it to take advantage of my orthodontic coverage that is expiring soon because of the layoff. I have an ectopic eruption of my upper right canine that is the main reason for the braces. I am very much looking forward to not experiencing the physical discomfort this tooth has caused me in the past.
I am sure to be in pain or at least uncomfortable for 18 to 24 months. I have not successfully been able to chew food since getting the braces put on Thursday afternoon. I am living on smoothies, milk shakes and mashed potatoes right now. I am sure to expand my menu into pudding, yogurt and oatmeal. Any other food suggestions are appreciated.
I was doing great for the first few hours after getting the braces. Last night and this morning were painful but Tylenol and Advil provided some relief. I am feeling less pain now and it is encouraging that it won't last forever. Maybe I will be able to chew something tomorrow but I am not counting on it.
Monday, September 13, 2010
I need people.
There are things that I like about my job. I enjoy interfacing with other engineers and people in general. If I were to stay at home during the day or work from home, I would definitely miss talking with other people. It is amazing how much a single conversation can change my mood for the day. My worst days are when I sit at my desk all day and do my work and don’t talk to anyone. My best days happen when I have multiple conversations with people about work and our personal lives. I need those work conversations to feel like what I am doing is useful. Someone out there appreciates what I am doing, I hope. I also need to be reminded that while I am at work, I am still looking for things and conversations that result in eternal reward.
It is amazing how quickly I forget that I need people. I need other adults in my life. I just spent the past three days with my boys. I love spending time with them and that is why they only go to school 3-4 days a week. When I spend 3 days straight with them and only see Bryan in the evenings, it makes me realize that I need conversations with other adults to cheer me up and realize that life is bigger than me. That is one reason why staying-at-home full time with the kids didn’t work well for me. Over the weekend I did have a few short conversations with other people: a neighbor, a pediatrician, ticket sales lady, etc., but I realized today that it wasn’t enough. Why didn’t I call anyone to hangout over the weekend? We did play with two neighbor boys but without much adult time. We had 3 dinner meals with just the 4 of us. That rarely happens. We eat dinner together a lot but usually there are other people involved. I knew I wasn’t enjoying life over the weekend but couldn’t really put my finger on it until today at work. I need more people in my life.
Bryan's response, "You are such an extrovert!"
Monday, August 9, 2010
up and down day
Today has been a day filled with lots of ups and downs. I am still trying to process it all.
1. held a gun for the first time (the weapon system I work on at ATK; XM25/XM29/IAWS/High Explosive Airburst Weapon System/OICW) and I wasn't looking forward to this
2. flooded with work to accomplish in a short time while Bryan is working evenings and I have the kids by myself for 3 nights
3. cried with a neighbor whose husband is dying of cancer and they have 2 sons: 5 and 16 years old
4. opened my email to discover I have a phone interview with NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in the Washington DC area next week; 2 jobs will be offered on 8/20; lots of prayer continues
All of these things are leading to more time spent praying. So many thoughts and so many different prayers. I just want to see the bigger picture in all of this.
1. held a gun for the first time (the weapon system I work on at ATK; XM25/XM29/IAWS/High Explosive Airburst Weapon System/OICW) and I wasn't looking forward to this
2. flooded with work to accomplish in a short time while Bryan is working evenings and I have the kids by myself for 3 nights
3. cried with a neighbor whose husband is dying of cancer and they have 2 sons: 5 and 16 years old
4. opened my email to discover I have a phone interview with NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in the Washington DC area next week; 2 jobs will be offered on 8/20; lots of prayer continues
All of these things are leading to more time spent praying. So many thoughts and so many different prayers. I just want to see the bigger picture in all of this.
Monday, July 26, 2010
sometimes emotions overwhelm me
I am sad to be having good friends move away, especially a family that we mesh with so well. I get along so well with the mom and Bryan with the dad and our two boys with their two boys. The Klinepeters will always have a special place in our hearts and lives. That has definitely added to the tears over the last two days. I am also emotional for many other reasons.
Our good meal group friends, Andy and Sarah, are also moving away in a few short weeks. It will be hard to say goodbye to them. They love our boys like family.
I wish I was moving away but there are no interviews on the horizon, let alone a job offer. I wish I wasn’t working on weapons. I wish that I had a job that I felt called to do and be there. I wish I could have extended family close-by, wherever we live. Those things don't mesh well for me. Family and job locations have many miles between them.
I thought I was close to getting a job (or at least an interview) at Goddard, in the DC area, working with the people that I did some of my master’s research. I found out a couple weeks ago that my resume was put in the loser pile, otherwise known as “you are not the best qualified.” That depressed me. I struggled with reassessing my job search strategy and didn’t come to any new conclusion. Then another job, actually 2 openings, were posted in the same group at Goddard. These positions I am more qualified for, but it is still a waiting game to find out if I get grouped in the “best qualified” category of resumes. There have been a lot of prayers going up over this job posting.
I am emotional because of uncertainty in my life. When will I get an interview? A job offer? When will we move? Do I really want to move away from family? Do I really want to miss out on events in my siblings lives? In my parents' and grandparents' lives? In my nieces’ and nephews’ lives? I know I don’t want to stay in my current job for that much longer. I really do feel like God has given me a passion for space work that just won’t die. I believe that is what I should be doing and Bryan is supportive. I still feel bad because I am choosing to move away from family. I always have doubts. I may be sure one moment and second guessing it the next.
On the flip side, there are good emotions and tears of experience mixed with fulfillment. It feels good to know when God has affected you and changed you, that He can use that to help someone else. I felt that last night and it feels good. God is still around us and going with us. He helps us through the tough times and the emotional times. I just never know how God will use my current experience to help someone down the road.
All of this is making me emotional. It seems so easy to cry. It used to be hard for me to ever let anyone see me cry but now there is no stopping it. Let the tears flow…but wait till I am out of the office…ha ha.
Our good meal group friends, Andy and Sarah, are also moving away in a few short weeks. It will be hard to say goodbye to them. They love our boys like family.
I wish I was moving away but there are no interviews on the horizon, let alone a job offer. I wish I wasn’t working on weapons. I wish that I had a job that I felt called to do and be there. I wish I could have extended family close-by, wherever we live. Those things don't mesh well for me. Family and job locations have many miles between them.
I thought I was close to getting a job (or at least an interview) at Goddard, in the DC area, working with the people that I did some of my master’s research. I found out a couple weeks ago that my resume was put in the loser pile, otherwise known as “you are not the best qualified.” That depressed me. I struggled with reassessing my job search strategy and didn’t come to any new conclusion. Then another job, actually 2 openings, were posted in the same group at Goddard. These positions I am more qualified for, but it is still a waiting game to find out if I get grouped in the “best qualified” category of resumes. There have been a lot of prayers going up over this job posting.
I am emotional because of uncertainty in my life. When will I get an interview? A job offer? When will we move? Do I really want to move away from family? Do I really want to miss out on events in my siblings lives? In my parents' and grandparents' lives? In my nieces’ and nephews’ lives? I know I don’t want to stay in my current job for that much longer. I really do feel like God has given me a passion for space work that just won’t die. I believe that is what I should be doing and Bryan is supportive. I still feel bad because I am choosing to move away from family. I always have doubts. I may be sure one moment and second guessing it the next.
On the flip side, there are good emotions and tears of experience mixed with fulfillment. It feels good to know when God has affected you and changed you, that He can use that to help someone else. I felt that last night and it feels good. God is still around us and going with us. He helps us through the tough times and the emotional times. I just never know how God will use my current experience to help someone down the road.
All of this is making me emotional. It seems so easy to cry. It used to be hard for me to ever let anyone see me cry but now there is no stopping it. Let the tears flow…but wait till I am out of the office…ha ha.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
anger rising
It is not that is wrong to be angry but this morning I got angry about the wrong things. I was irritated at myself for taking so long to get ready for work and getting up late. I was tired from staying up too late last night, in addition to not getting enough sleep the two previous nights.
Instead of letting my own issues go, I took it out on my kids. They are slow to get ready and get out the door. This is normal. It is their way of life. They are never in a hurry and I am constantly in a hurry and trying to get them to hurry up. I had to repeatedly ask them to get their shoes on, go out the door and get in their carseats. It just wears me out. If I gave them a consequence for not listening on the first time that I asked, they would have that consequence 99% of the time we leave the house. I am just not sure it is worth it. I am the one who needs to change here, not my kids. This is my problem of lateness colliding with their enjoyment of living in the present.
I tell my kids they are “making me angry.” But in reality, it is my choice. They can not make me angry. I have chosen to be angry over something inconsequential. I did not need to be to work by an earlier time. I just wanted to be there earlier. I will be apologizing to my boys tonight.
I get frustrated with my kids and then every little thing irritates me, like my husband forgetting to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. It builds until I hit my head or trip or drop something. I am not good at getting rid of frustration.
I need to work on
letting my frustrations go,
not making my kids feel bad for my own issues,
not taking my anger out on my kids,
and enjoying the moment.
I can only do that with God’s help and correction. I know He is correcting me now. God works through our frustrations and makes something beautiful out of them...beautiful character.
Instead of letting my own issues go, I took it out on my kids. They are slow to get ready and get out the door. This is normal. It is their way of life. They are never in a hurry and I am constantly in a hurry and trying to get them to hurry up. I had to repeatedly ask them to get their shoes on, go out the door and get in their carseats. It just wears me out. If I gave them a consequence for not listening on the first time that I asked, they would have that consequence 99% of the time we leave the house. I am just not sure it is worth it. I am the one who needs to change here, not my kids. This is my problem of lateness colliding with their enjoyment of living in the present.
I tell my kids they are “making me angry.” But in reality, it is my choice. They can not make me angry. I have chosen to be angry over something inconsequential. I did not need to be to work by an earlier time. I just wanted to be there earlier. I will be apologizing to my boys tonight.
I get frustrated with my kids and then every little thing irritates me, like my husband forgetting to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. It builds until I hit my head or trip or drop something. I am not good at getting rid of frustration.
I need to work on
letting my frustrations go,
not making my kids feel bad for my own issues,
not taking my anger out on my kids,
and enjoying the moment.
I can only do that with God’s help and correction. I know He is correcting me now. God works through our frustrations and makes something beautiful out of them...beautiful character.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
getting back to normal
It's been awhile since I last blogged. I love blogging and miss it. It helps me process life. I haven't had much time to process life lately because we have had so much going on.
We had a great time in DC, then Sacramento, and then LA. I hope to put up pictures but they are not ready yet. It's on the to do list.
Right now I am enjoying my boys in swimming lessons and playing soccer.
We have seen a lot of family over the last month. Family at the funeral. Family at Clay's birthday party. Family for doctor's appointments. And we just had my aunt and uncle and three cousins here a few nights ago.
My mother-in-law has surgery tomorrow. Please pray for her. We are hoping that her SI joint (connection of tail bone to pelvis) is made healthy tomorrow. She has been in quite a bit of pain for the last year and is ready to be done with it. We have family with us right now and will be for at least a little while.
We are getting stability back in our life with laundry and cleaning and lots of time at our house. It feels good. I usually despise normalcy but for once it feels good. It probably won't last long.
We had a great time in DC, then Sacramento, and then LA. I hope to put up pictures but they are not ready yet. It's on the to do list.
Right now I am enjoying my boys in swimming lessons and playing soccer.
We have seen a lot of family over the last month. Family at the funeral. Family at Clay's birthday party. Family for doctor's appointments. And we just had my aunt and uncle and three cousins here a few nights ago.
My mother-in-law has surgery tomorrow. Please pray for her. We are hoping that her SI joint (connection of tail bone to pelvis) is made healthy tomorrow. She has been in quite a bit of pain for the last year and is ready to be done with it. We have family with us right now and will be for at least a little while.
We are getting stability back in our life with laundry and cleaning and lots of time at our house. It feels good. I usually despise normalcy but for once it feels good. It probably won't last long.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
packing thoughts
The last week and half flew by as we worked and tried to relax in our routine before our next trip.
We packed Tuesday night and traveled by air to Los Angeles today.
Lot of thoughts streaming in my head while packing for the trip. Here are some.
In the chaos of packing and frequent travel, I appreciate the mundane routine of life more. This is the third trip for our family in one month. Crazy!
This is my 9th week of vacation that I am taking from work this year. Thankfully, the rest of the year will have less irregularity and more routine. At least that is what is planned right now. It is good that I only work part-time so that I can still fit in work around our vacation time. We love to travel and 9 weeks of time-off sure shows it.
We love sharing all that we have with others because it reminds us that all that we have is God's. It keeps us less attached to our stuff and more focused on people. It is still added work to share rather than keep your stuff to yourself but the extra work is definitely worth it.
I am also feeling down about work stuff. I have a applied for 40+ jobs with NASA but only heard a response about one with a little interest. I have been underqualified for good chunk of the jobs I have applied for but some response, even rejection would mean that someone is looking at my resume. Almost all of the jobs are still open and in process. That processing stuff sure takes a long time. It is good and sad that we are visiting DC and LA where I am applying for jobs because we could end up living here someday. But I sure do wish I was here for an interview too.
I know there is more that I could do about contacting people at NASA and some of that just hasn't happened because I usually have loud children in the background. I am getting quite sick, not quite literally yet, of working on weapons and need to find something else to do. I know that someday someone from work will find this blog, so you should know, if it isn't clear already that I don't want to be working on weapons. I want to be helping to explore space. I know that God has planted this passion in me and I know that I should be using it. I know that God will fulfill that but I am not good at being patient and finding enjoyment when it is difficult.
We packed Tuesday night and traveled by air to Los Angeles today.
Lot of thoughts streaming in my head while packing for the trip. Here are some.
In the chaos of packing and frequent travel, I appreciate the mundane routine of life more. This is the third trip for our family in one month. Crazy!
This is my 9th week of vacation that I am taking from work this year. Thankfully, the rest of the year will have less irregularity and more routine. At least that is what is planned right now. It is good that I only work part-time so that I can still fit in work around our vacation time. We love to travel and 9 weeks of time-off sure shows it.
We love sharing all that we have with others because it reminds us that all that we have is God's. It keeps us less attached to our stuff and more focused on people. It is still added work to share rather than keep your stuff to yourself but the extra work is definitely worth it.
I am also feeling down about work stuff. I have a applied for 40+ jobs with NASA but only heard a response about one with a little interest. I have been underqualified for good chunk of the jobs I have applied for but some response, even rejection would mean that someone is looking at my resume. Almost all of the jobs are still open and in process. That processing stuff sure takes a long time. It is good and sad that we are visiting DC and LA where I am applying for jobs because we could end up living here someday. But I sure do wish I was here for an interview too.
I know there is more that I could do about contacting people at NASA and some of that just hasn't happened because I usually have loud children in the background. I am getting quite sick, not quite literally yet, of working on weapons and need to find something else to do. I know that someday someone from work will find this blog, so you should know, if it isn't clear already that I don't want to be working on weapons. I want to be helping to explore space. I know that God has planted this passion in me and I know that I should be using it. I know that God will fulfill that but I am not good at being patient and finding enjoyment when it is difficult.
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