in the blaaaaahhhh

I don't know how to describe my life when people ask. I spend a lot of time at home since being laid off. (I know I am not supposed to say I was laid off...I mean ATK reduced their workforce and I was part of the 15% that was reduced, because I worked part-time.) I spend my time mostly by myself with some time around the kids. I take my kids to school and pick them up. I do exercise DVDs. I read books. I read the Bible. I make lists and cross things off my list. I do endless internet research. I look for jobs and apply for a few here and there. I go grocery shopping. I do laundry. I do the dishes. I clean and pick things up around the house. I put laundry away and I clean out the dishwasher. I listen to podcasts. I work on my resume--it is never perfect.

I spend most of my time in the house. That has been the most difficult part for me. I love being around people. I love conversation. The conversation can be about anything. It can be me listening to two friends talk. I just want to be around life and people living it. I know I am living my life but it doesn't seem that much is happening. That is probably because my life is about waiting right now. Maybe it should be about living but some days there is this haze that is blocking the joy...like today.

I know I have things to be joyful about. My husband. Our date tonight. The kids bring me joy. The boys got little presents for Valentine's Day. We tied ribbon to each boy's present and hid them and took the ribbon around the house and then finally tied it to their doorknob of their bedroom. When the got up this morning and followed the ribbon to their present, smiles abounded. It was contagious. Although Jaden said he would have rather had a different gift (we are working on gratefulness). But soon after he was asking to have a present hidden for every holiday and then went through all of the holidays throughout the year. My boys love gifts. And that brings me joy to see them happy.

There are other things in life that are tough and have potential for joy. We are going through a lot of adoption/foster care classes right now and that has huge potential for joy someday. I am looking for jobs and talking with new people all the time about job potential. That could also lead to more joy. Maybe it is just the long winter and spring has potential to bring more joy.