share your craft

I had a tinge of jealousy recently when I heard about a friend starting a new part-time business. It wasn't the business that I was interested in but instead it was her joy and passion for doing something that she cared about while her kids are at school.

I left that interaction with my friend and got in my car and heard this on the radio, "If you don't use your craft, you will be grumpy." So true! The radio conversation continued to discuss using your art or craft and sharing it with others. Everyone has a craft or art that they can share.

Both of these thoughts stir something inside of me. I know everything is better when I am using my skills and talents. I am more fulfilled and others get to enjoy what I am good at doing too. I am taking another break from working this school year. The third break I have taken. I know the feelings I get when not working. I know I am better when using my craft and skills and sharing them when others.

I will get to a time again when I am using my skills more fully but that time is not right now. I am trying to enjoy the benefits I have in life because I am not working despite the cloudiness (or grumpiness) I have from not using my craft. Whatever your craft is, get out and use it and share it with others.

astronaut application completed

Today I completed my application to be an astronaut. It has always been a goal of mine to apply even though I may never become an astronaut. It feels good to check that off my life goal list. If there is any additional post about this application, it will only be because God has had his hand in my life. I am a long shot and don't expect to hear anything back about my application.

I have wanted to be an astronaut since I was in 2nd grade. I was inspired by my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Paulsrud to be a teacher and I loved space. Christa McAuliffe was my hero as a teacher and an astronaut. I wanted to be her. The Challenger explosion and her death did not deter me at all. I continued to dream big and the dream has never died. I always wanted to meet the minimum astronaut requirements and I have. So, why not, just apply. It can't hurt. There is no time like the present.

I was explaining to Jaden today that I applied to be an astronaut. His immediate response was, "No!" Then I tried explaining to him that I am not going to be an astronaut but I would like to be but it will not be happening. I told him that over 3000 people apply to be astronauts and only about 10 people get chosen. Then his little math brain was working and he responded, "That means that 2,990 people don't get chosen." Thanks, Jaden, I know it is a long shot.

Journey to Space

It has been too long since I posted. I was waiting to post something about my new gig at the Science Museum of Minnesota but then I waited too long and this post is long over due. I have been volunteering at the museum since February of this year. I started out as a school group greeter and then moved on to be an exhibit gallery volunteer doing science demonstrations with visitors. About the beginning of August I started helping with some exhibit development. They are working on a new exhibit called "Journey to Space" about the International Space Station. I am the "aerospace engineering expert" which is fun but really I just want to contribute in any way I can and have fun doing it. I am loving it! I am at the museum 2 days a week (half a day in the exhibit gallery still) and the other time I am contacting people at NASA and asking them for help and researching the space station for exhibit ideas. It has been a blast! I feel like I am part of the team. I am enjoying being a volunteer for now and being able to come and go as I please. There is potential that this could turn into a job but I am trying to take this new adventure slowly. The exhibit is planned to open in St. Paul in the summer of 2014 and then travel to at least 14 museums around the country over 6 or more years. The exhibit is going to be huge if all goes as planned. Potentially $8 million spent on 15,000 square feet of exhibit space. There are large simulators or rides planned and many smaller engineering and science interactives. I love being a part of all that is going on at the museum, especially when it is space related. I have lots of free tickets to the museum. Let me know if you ever want to go!

dueling interviews

I have two interviews lined up.

Today, on my birthday, I am interviewing at the Science Museum of Minnesota in St. Paul for a volunteer position. I am super-excited about this because of the future possibilities. There may be some space-related work for me in the summer-fall time frame. I am pretty sure I will not get turned down to volunteer because they already told me that they have a position for me. I am not sure what all they will be asking but I am treating it like a warm-up job interview.

The second interview is for a position at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in the Washington DC area. The phone interview is Monday, 1pm CST. I am not planning on getting the job but it is another opportunity for me to talk with people that I hope to work with someday. I was previously not chosen for this job because there were multiple PhD applicants with experience. A PhD is not required but they chose to offer the job to the 2 people with the most experience. Those two turned it down and now they are re-interviewing people. I do have some experience that relates to this position but I am assuming others with more experience will be interviewed. There are so many NASA contractors that are looking for jobs so the competition is great. I will be one of ten people interviewed so clearly there are many qualified applicants.

I will keep you updated on the job happenings. I am excited by these possibilities but still working hard to enjoy the life that I have instead of wishing and hoping and praying for a job elsewhere. It is easier to go on with life thinking I will be volunteering at the Science Museum and that I will get turned down for the Goddard position.

Today, on my birthday, I plan to take it easy as much as possible. Yesterday I finished a two week organizational project in our basement. It now is much more functional and we have a lot more open space for the boys to play. Today there will be exercise, interview preparation, lunch with a friend, interview to volunteer, maybe some time at the Science Museum, dinner with my family at the Cheesecake Factory and then relaxing with friends over a second dessert (cuz you can do that on your birthday) while they stay with us for the next 5 days.

This is a good birthday where I feel at peace with life (today) and ready to grab hold of whatever comes my way.

unemployed

I am officially part of the unemployed. I am collecting unemployment as of today. I finally got my first unemployment check deposited into my checking account.

I have technically been unemployed since November 1st. I can't believe it took 5 1/2 weeks for me to start collecting unemployment. I did collect two weeks of severance pay and I technically worked during the week of November 1st so there goes three weeks. Then there is one waiting week where you don't get paid. That is up to four weeks now. Then you finally have a week where you get paid (the 5th week) and you can't collect it until the following week; hence 5 1/2 weeks later my first payment arrived. Wow, I sure hope others are not counting on unemployment to arrive right away.

I am getting outplacement services, paid for by ATK, to get me ready for my next job. Job hunting skills, resume updates, interview skills, etc. I am also getting very familiar with the MN Unemployment services. I have been looking for jobs but there is not much for me to apply for in the space field, particularly with NASA. I will open my horizons when I am dying to get back to work. For now, I am just trying to enjoy being unemployed.

laid off

I arrived at work on Monday with 50 or so cookies in tow. They were ready to be passed out as soon as I heard word of the first layoff. We all knew they were coming but were all wondering when would be the first one. There was a 10 minute conversation with friends and coworkers about our dread and concern for the day. I returned to my desk to go about work as usual when I got a call from my manager.

Me - "Hello."
Him - "Can you come to my office?"
Me - "Sure."

I walked into my manager's office knowing that this might be it. I watched for the cues. He closed the door. This was truly it. He had a piece of paper intentionally hanging 1/4 of the way out of a manila folder. I read it upside down. "Last day worked is Nov. 1, 2010"

He went on to nervously explain the procedure for the layoff. I remained calm and did my best to reassure him I will be fine and have already been looking for other work, space-related work, not weapons. I told him I knew that he had a very hard day ahead of him too. He told me that he was always pleased with my work and that he would be happy to provide a reference for me. I appreciated hearing that.

I went on to talk with friends, old acquaintances and new acquaintances throughout the morning while handing out cookies to anyone I saw. I know the cookies didn't fix anything but they were a nice conversation piece and a little sugar brings smiles to people's faces. In total, 77 of 495 employees were laid off, or about 15%, which was less than the 20% we were warned about 3 1/2 weeks earlier.

In the end, I am happy that I got laid off from designing weapons. The big picture disgusted me at times but also brought me to a better appreciation of our military. I enjoyed the daily work but was overwhelmed at times by the consequences of weapons. I feel good that I got laid off instead of someone else because my job was not necessary for my family to survive. I feel for and pray for those that got laid off that desperately need their income. That was the hardest part of the day...seeing others struggle.

Now I am figuring out what life looks like for me without a job outside the home. I have 2 kids that go to preschool/school 4 days a week. I love this mix for them and they need the school. Now what do I do with my time?

I did the stay-at-home gig for 4 years and it didn't workout so well for me. It left me depressed and sucked some major joy out of life. I am concerned about this happening again. Bryan is very encouraging and not rushing me to get a job again but to explore if I can enjoy not working for awhile. I am trying that for now.

No NASA job but maybe a layoff

There is no potential NASA job for me for awhile. I just heard back that the position I was still being considered for is no longer being offered. It may be up to a year before the hiring situation changes at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in the Washington DC area.

Well, there may be no NASA job in the near future but there may be a layoff for me coming soon. I will find out on November 1st whether that will be my last day at ATK. To be honest, a layoff wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I would rather be working but could probably entertain myself for 6 months or so. My work is laying off 20% or about 100 people on November 1st and I will likely be one of them. We are all waiting to find out.

I will continue to look for NASA jobs but there are very few opportunities right now. I am holding off on looking into contracting jobs for now. I am continuing to explore other job options in the Minneapolis area. I pray that God continues to give me purpose and meaning in my blessed life no matter where I work (house or office).

I need people.

There are things that I like about my job. I enjoy interfacing with other engineers and people in general. If I were to stay at home during the day or work from home, I would definitely miss talking with other people. It is amazing how much a single conversation can change my mood for the day. My worst days are when I sit at my desk all day and do my work and don’t talk to anyone. My best days happen when I have multiple conversations with people about work and our personal lives. I need those work conversations to feel like what I am doing is useful. Someone out there appreciates what I am doing, I hope. I also need to be reminded that while I am at work, I am still looking for things and conversations that result in eternal reward.

It is amazing how quickly I forget that I need people. I need other adults in my life. I just spent the past three days with my boys. I love spending time with them and that is why they only go to school 3-4 days a week. When I spend 3 days straight with them and only see Bryan in the evenings, it makes me realize that I need conversations with other adults to cheer me up and realize that life is bigger than me. That is one reason why staying-at-home full time with the kids didn’t work well for me. Over the weekend I did have a few short conversations with other people: a neighbor, a pediatrician, ticket sales lady, etc., but I realized today that it wasn’t enough. Why didn’t I call anyone to hangout over the weekend? We did play with two neighbor boys but without much adult time. We had 3 dinner meals with just the 4 of us. That rarely happens. We eat dinner together a lot but usually there are other people involved. I knew I wasn’t enjoying life over the weekend but couldn’t really put my finger on it until today at work. I need more people in my life.

Bryan's response, "You are such an extrovert!"

back from Utah

I spent last week working in Utah. The trip was better than I expected and I got to experience the space-side of ATK. There is space stuff everywhere around their main facility in Promontory. And I got to watch the static DM-2 test of the modified Solid Rocket Booster. It is an expanded rocket from those used on the Space Shuttle (2 white ones on the sides) and was planned to be used on Ares I and IV for the Constellation program. Now ATK is trying to get NASA and Congress to fund solid rockets for future space use. I really hope it happens. The US should keep its space capabilities and expand on them, not lose out ability to get humans to space. Lets keep exploring the unknown and expanding out knowledge!

I was in Utah working on an upgrade to some software that I use daily for system engineering and requirements management. We made great progress and it feels good to see something close to completion that I have worked on the side of my main projects for the last year or so.

no NASA job...yet

I got the sad news today that I was not chosen for the NASA GSFC job that I applied for and interviewed. I tried really hard to get it and interviewed over the phone on vacation because they weren't doing in-person interviews unless you were local. I did some work for my references while on vacation too. But in the end I was up against 12 people for 2 positions. I was qualified for either position. I ended up being #2 for the position I most wanted. I was told to try again and they would be happy to hire me and that the panel disagreed on who to hire. There is hope for me but just not yet.

I shed a few tears and then tried to forget about it with family. Bryan's parents are here and we went out for his upcoming birthday. Then I chatted with our neighbor, whose husband is dying. That always brings perspective and gratefulness to the surface.

While I was telling Jaden about me not getting the space job, he tried to encourage me by telling me to keep working on weapons. He said, "You are helping the army." We talked about it for awhile and he was so cute and so pro-military. I tried explaining to him that I do not want to have anything to do with killing people even if it is when we are at war. He responded, "It is just one army fighting another army." He seems to get it more than I realize, but I still take issue with it. Who knows, he may end up in the military some day.

baby step

I took another baby step closer to working in the space field again. My resume made it through the first level of sorting at NASA Goddard. I received an email yesterday that stated: Eligible – Application Referred to Selecting Official. I am encouraged to pray more. I am thankful for this step and praying for it to go further.

work and war

I am learning all kinds of new words at work lately:
defilade-using an obstacle to conceal or shield
fratricide-killing of a brother; friendly fire

I read the word Warfighter countless times today. This is the first project that I have been constantly reminded that I am helping soldiers. I actually believe this weapon will help soldiers fight wars so that their lives may be spared.

I do not like war and wish we never had to fight wars. That is not the reality we live in. I still wish I was not apart of war by designing weapons.

My job does make me think of soldiers more and how hard their lives must be, especially when at war. I do not keep going back to work because of the soldiers that may be helped. I do not keep going back to work because I think weapons are cool. I do not keep coming back to work because of the day to day tasks that I do.

I keep going back to work because of the people that I am surrounded by. I want to get to know them, invest in them, befriend them, love them and help them move toward God on their spiritual journey.

I just wish, hope and pray that someday soon, I will get to go to work for that reason AND because I love the work that I do. Here's hoping that I get a call for a NASA interview soon.

helping the soldiers

Today was the first day in the last 15 months at work that I truly felt like I was working on a weapon to help a soldier stay alive in Afghanistan. We got feedback on the weapon that it needs to be able to shoot farther distances because the soldiers are getting fired at with rocket propelled grenades at too close of ranges.

Bryan thinks I am working on a pretty cool weapon but I am not in agreement. I never thought I would be working on a gun (weapon) and bullets (ammunition).

The ammunition was #46 on the Time magazine best inventions of 2009. You can read about it here by clicking on 46. The Smart Bullet.

On a side note, I also worked on the best invention of 2009, according to Time. I spent 2 months working on the Ares 1 rocket to replace the Space Shuttle, which is why I took the job I have now. Too bad it didn't last longer.

You know you work on weapons when...(#7)

...you are told that you will soon be calculating Pi (subscript i), which is the PROBABILITY OF INCAPACITATION! Really!?! This is great motivation to look for another job.

I am working on the most clearly lethal weapon in my repertoire yet. It is a quite powerful and innovative gun. Jaden thinks it is pretty cool, but tries to sympathize by telling me to quit and stay home. Clay feels my agony and thinks I should get another job.

The boys were quite taken by watching a Star Wars cartoon with a friend in Honduras and told me about "a bubble that protects you from guns." Then they asked me if I could make a bubble gun. They think my job is pretty cool even though I don't.

layoffs and a new manager

There has been a lot of transition at my workplace the last 2 days. Not good transition. Yesterday 36 people were laid off. There was no warning and no discussion prior to this. The individuals were told to pack of their stuff and leave. The building was drastically affected by this. People were sad and half-moping and half-wondering what is going on.

I wondered why him and not me. I felt bad for my coworkers with no income. I personally new and worked with 2 of the guys. I feel for them but it seems like there is not much I can do.

Yesterday I was also told that I would be getting a new manager and that engineering was getting reorganized. My manager would still have a job but just a different one. I was worried about this because my manager hired me and she is very understanding of me working part-time. She has given me a lot of flexibility that I don't want to lose. Today I found out who my new manager is and it is the best possible option so that is good.

Hopefully next week will be calmer but I am doubtful because I am stuck in a tug-of-war between two programs that want me to work for them and each wants me to only work on their program. We will see...

sometimes I like my job

There are days when I come home and tell Bryan that I like my job but that doesn't happen often. Today he asked me to repeat myself.
I like writing documents to describe systems.
I like it when I can formulate intelligent questions and get answers from my design team.
I like it when I feel like I am understanding what everyone is talking about.
I like staying busy at work and having things to do that when I know what is required of me.
I also like leaving work early because I worked too many hours last week.

Maybe this work day was so great because it only lasted 6 1/2 hours. Or maybe I actually enjoyed the work that I did. I think the balance keeps me enjoying life more.

two working parents

I am not sure how people do it that have kids and have two parents working full-time. It is always hard for me when I work Wed, Thurs, Fri and then have a 2 days weekend and go back to work on Monday. There is just so much to do for the kids and for our family that it makes life really hard.

I felt pretty good going back to work last Wednesday after returning from Honduras on Monday, but now I am feeling overwhelmed. I am still trying to finish some stuff up for a missionary in Honduras. I need to put a presentation together for work tonight and I am working weird hours Monday and Tuesday this week because we have a vendor visiting. This just throws life up in the air.

Tonight I let the boys watch TV for a little bit while I made dinner. Bryan got home just in time for dinner at 7pm. The boys got dinner and a bath and now are getting to bed after 8pm. That is our life when Bryan and I both work. It makes life hard some days and I am sure thankful that I don't work full-time.

Thankfully not every week is like this but this week I am already looking forward to Wednesday night coming so I can have 4 days off from work. (That is if I don't end up calling in for a meeting on Thursday.)

on travel

Technically I am on travel for work this week, Monday through Friday, but I am viewing it more as a mini-vacation. I don't have to cook or clean or do laundry. I don't have to deal with kids fighting, teaching them or entertaining them. I get to eat lots of restaurant meals paid for by my company. I get to stay in a hotel with cable TV. I get to read a lot. I get to surf the web uninterrupted. I get to do a lot of star-gazing with other nerdy engineers. I might even get to watch a movie or two. And I get to enjoy the warmer weather of southern California.

I know that my easy week is making Bryan's week harder so I will be sending up some prayers on his behalf. I do have a big presentation on Wednesday but that is still easier than taking care of my two boys. Kids are a lot of work (and joy) and my engineering job is definitely easier.

change at work

I started working on a new project at work. On the down-side, it is a lethal project instead of my last non-lethal project. On the up-side, it is in the air instead of on the ground.

I am now working on a rocket launcher to be affixed to Navy helicopters. I am done working on the Spider Non-Lethal Launcher attachments. Work-life it always full at ATK and seems to be ever-changing.

I have a lot to learn about rockets and launchers. To bad they aren't getting used to explore space.

You know you work on weapons when (#6)...

Today all of the grown men (or a lot of them) at work showed-off their inner boy. It was like Christmas around work. People were waiting and asking, "Is it here yet?" "Have you seen it?" "When is it supposed to arrive?"

What were they talking about? Their discounted orders of ammunition for personal use. It was a big day at work! Not a big day for me.